How It Works

(more or less)

Ok. So we have the house and the residents. Now what? Some of how it works has just grown organically from living together. Of course we have to have ground rules and agreements to go by. One major thing we did was make it legal that the house can not be sold until the last one of us is ready to leave it. So we all have a home until we are gone or done. As people choose to leave or they die their share can be rented to agreed upon home sharers. Or a share can be sold for an uninflated price to an agreed upon person or purchased by one or more remaining residents. Proceeds go to the heirs of the departed. 

Financially we all agree to share the ongoing costs equally. We have hired a property manager who pays all of our bills, knows when taxes are due, sends people to fix things when they break. We each contribute an agreed upon amount every quarter for regular bills (gas, electricity, water, internet, phone, garbage), paying of helpers (maid, gardener, pool guy, repairs), and general management. This is one place where doing this in Mexico is much less expensive than up North. We more or less have assisted living in our own home for a very reasonable amount of money. None of us could afford these services up North. And, of course, splitting these costs 4 ways makes living here very inexpensive for us each. Also having these services eliminates most strife about who does what chores around here. Our house and gardens and pool are always sparkling clean and cared for. Our bills are always paid on time. Our repairs are always done in a timely manner. It is one of the great pleasures of my elder years. I pay for all of my share from my Social Security funds with some left over. 

Since everyone has their own space, it is expected that we keep all of our personal effects in our own rooms. We all have private bathrooms, bedrooms, desks, and sitting areas. Furthermore we all have access to communal spaces of kitchen, dining room, game table, solarium, pool, 2 terraces, interior courtyard, large laundry and storage area, and tv watching areas (there are 2 in case we don't want to watch the same thing.) There is plenty of space for private time as well as communal time. This seems to flow very comfortably and naturally. All furnishings of communal spaces and kitchen and plants etc were purchased together, so we all own everything except for what is in our private spaces. Again, because we are doing this in Mexico we can afford a large home to accommodate private and communal time for everyone. The cost of the house split 4 ways was very do-able. We are all of modest means. 

Here are a few photos of communal and private spaces:

So what the heck do we do anyway? Most of the nitty gritty is cared for. We shop, cook, and make decisions about home improvements and repairs. We have a separate kitty for improvements and purchases that we regularly contribute to. The apartment is sometimes rented to guests, and all proceeds from there go into that kitty. 

Because all of us have lived in Chapala off and on for the past 4 years we have had the opportunity to get to know some of the workers who have worked for us or our friends or neighbors. We were able to hire people we already know and trust and who we enjoy having around our home with us. Most days of the week someone is coming here to take care of something for us. I really enjoy these people and our home feels very alive to me. Along with all the other things they do for us they help us with our Spanish. 

Since all of us aren't always living here at the same time things, understandably, work differently depending upon who is here. Also the atmosphere of the household is different depending upon who is here, not only because of number of people, but also because of different energies we each have. Without exactly planning or expecting it Amanda and I have pretty much teamed up regarding when we are here and when we go North. For me its just so good to have a travel companion as well as a house mate. Both of us have roots in the PNW and both of us have desires to spend some summer months up there. Since both of us are now widowed we are free to do so. Besides sharing Casa Corazon we also share my condo in Langley. When just the two of us are at Casa Corazon we have evolved a rhythm for living. I must say that some of how this arrangement works is just plain lucky. Amanda and I seemed to easily flow into rhythms and routines that work well for both of us. For me it is really fun to have someone to do the regular errands of life with. We share costs of food and daily needs 50/50 and generally do so right on the spot. Our rhythm includes pickle ball for Amanda, sketching for me, daily pool time for each of us, errands, some card games, and needed alone time for napping, reading, emailing, phone calling etc. We do things with neighbors and friends. Not as much as before COVID, but some. Breakfasts and lunches are on our own while we nearly always enjoy dinner together whether in or out or take out or with friends. Amanda and I bought a car together and we share all costs that go along with that. Susan and Bill have a car of their own. 

When all four of us are here together the energy changes. Bill likes to play keyboards in the afternoons and fills the house with sound. He also loves to cook and likes to have that activity in the afternoon. He is a world traveler and learns about foods and cooking wherever he goes. He collects recipes and spices on his travels. So we never know what ethnic cuisine we'll be enjoying when he is cooking. We generally have our evening meals together. Susan always makes a salad. Since Bills meals are generally more complex than others the kitchen clean up is also more involved. Susan has an energy field all her own. She has lots of projects and planning going on all the time with computer and phone calls. 

Since the kitchen is a place we all use regularly it is the one place where different habits and practices can clash. Some like all surfaces clean and all dishes put away at all times while others are fine with leaving dishes til morning and putting them away when the rack is full. Some clean as they cook while others leave lots of dirty pots and pans. Some clean out the fridge regularly while others leave bits of mystery leftovers. At first there was a bit of a skirmish about those things but it seems to have evened out over time. Whoever does the dishes gets to do them their way. If something bothers someone enough they take care of it. 

I like it no matter what the configuration of residents is. I have lived here alone and in twos and threes and fours (and more if there are people in the casita). I prefer it when someone else is here, but alone is nice sometimes too. 

So what else is there? Money and decor and furnishings of the home. The easiest part is if it has to do with someone's private spaces. Once we had basic furnishings, beds, desks, etc (shared household expenses) the decoration of our own rooms is up to the individual. As is the cost. 

Somewhere along the line I wrote about living with people who do things differently from one another. Of course this is true. I have come to feel that shared living might be easier for older people than for younger ones. In most cases my identity is not in question regarding what color we paint a room, though I certainly have preferences. I've given this a lot of thought, and have come to see this arrangement as yet again another great learning (and growing) opportunity. All 3 of the women involved have been almost totally responsible for home decor choices in previous lives. Imagine that! I entered this living situation believing some of the gifts I had to bring was special talents for spacial arrangement and color choices. Me being an artist and all. I have been humbled. And that's quite ok. My ideas aren't always the best ones, or the ones that suit the collective the best. I've given great thought to my priorities, and have come to the conclusion that having things my way is not always my highest desire. After all, having 4 minds working on solutions and ideas is one of the perks of group living. Right? 

So far we make decisions by majority rules. I would like us to learn to decide by concensus. I'll give an example. There is an alcove on our main floor that I see as a perfect place for a daybed. I love daybeds and the notion that a person can read or take a nap in common spaces that are slightly out of the main living space delights me. And we have a house big enough to accommodate that. We bought a daybed and put it in that space. My 3 housemates decided, after all, that they don't like it.

They prefer a reading chair and lamp in that space. I don't like that idea. But how much does it impact my life? Not at all. Secretly, of course, I believe they will come to realize they wish there was a sweet little napping space there. In truth Bill has put his keyboards in that nook and has sort of claimed it as his mancave, so whatever makes it work best for him is what is what I support. And so there you see my process to date. I must admit I was a little bit pissy about it (not proud of that....but there you have it) but always knew I was outnumbered and we all live here. 

To be continued........ 

 

 HOUSE SHARING

Susan Lewis, Bill Pecha, Phyllis Ray and Amanda Painter

residents and owners of Casa Corazon

Several people have asked me when I'm going to publish another chapter to my blog. It's been interesting to think about because the subject of my blog has changed. Until March 19, 2020, the day Robert died, it was mostly about coming to Chapala Mexico to get needed and affordable care for him. During the 3 years he lived at La Casa Nostra and I lived at La Galleria at Quinta Quetzlequatl I created a life and became a part of a community here. Two communities really. One is the shared household of Casa Corazon, the other is the greater community/neighborhood/Ajijic Sketchers/friendships. 

The greater community has been building over the past 4 years. The Casa Corazon community began July 2019 when we signed the final papers to buy our house. It seems this blog is morphing into a discussion of shared housing as a plan for elder hood. I described in the last chapter how we found the house. Once the house was found we had to have the pool built as well as a roof for one of the bedroom terraces and some inside construction. Since we weren't all here during that construction phase we communicated by FaceTime and phone. Once the pool and other things were completed we got Fernando to work on completely refurbishing the extra apartment in the house that we call the casita. I was here alone for most of that work and it was really fun. I continued to live at La Galleria during this phase, and since the houses are only 2 blocks apart it was easy to walk over and oversee things and make decisions. As you can imagine there were hundreds of phone calls, photos, facetious as we chose colors and furnishings and details. The casita is for visiting family, friends, guests and eventually perhaps an infirmary or housing for caregivers. Here are a few photos of the casita as it is today.

As you can see it's good sized and fully equipped. Our guests have all reported loving staying here. We love having guests. 

Actually I should probably talk about the cast of characters before getting more involved in the house. Bill Pecha and Susan Lewis are a couple. They have a home in Manzanillo and need a second home for the summer when it gets too hot at the coast. Susan and I have been involved in Real Estate in Manzanillo together for many years, but that is an entirely different story. They also travel all over the world a lot and love being closer to Guadalajara airport. And they love being able to walk to everything they might need from Casa Corazon. Their home in Manzanillo is beautiful and totally car dependent. Casa Corazon is a better home for later years. Everything is convenient. 

Amanda Painter is recently retired from 35 years of working and living in Southeast Alaska. First a fishing boat captain and finally a vice president of a major tour boat company in Alaska. She and I met through our husbands. They both suffered dementia and both ended their days at La Casa Nostra. Good friends of Amandas knew she was desperate for good care for her husband and put us in touch with each other. She brought him here and a lifetime friendship was born. She sold her home in Ketchikan, and has sold or removed all of her vehicles and household goods from Alaska. Casa Corazon is her only home ownership at this time. 

And then there is me who is so happy to have housemates. It is really fun to share the chores and joys of living and house holding. I still own my condo in Langley on Whidbey Island which makes it very convenient for me to go back and forth from Mexico to the U.S.A. It does not cost much to maintain. While Robert was alive I was a full time resident here and lived here because I needed to for him. Now that he is gone I have choices. It appears I am becoming a Snowbird (or in my case Rainbird?). I am sharing my condo in Langley with Amanda, so she has a USA residence as well as Mexico. I am delighted to be sharing that home too. We transformed a former TV room/den into a lovely bedroom for her. So home sharing is my chosen way of life for this next and probably final chapter of my life. But who knows? 

It is my expectation that this shared life will be very elastic and changeable. I like that. So far that has proven true. Because of surgeries Bill needed, and had in the US in order to use his Medicare,  they were not here as much as we had planned. Amanda and I surprised ourselves by going North in Feb/March to get Moderna vaccine. We returned North in mid June til mid September in order to attend important events. And we are going back for a few weeks to get our boosters. The plan is more or less that we are up North in the summers while Bill and Susan are here, and Amanda and I will be here in the winters when Bill and Susan are in Manzanillo. During shoulder seasons we are all here together. It more or less works that way. Manzanillo is a 3 1/2 hour drive from here so they come and go. 

The 5th member of our household is Boomer the housecat.

In the beginning of this adventure, when I was living here alone, a friend of mine was moving back to the US and needed a home for her supposedly feral cat, Boomerang (who just kept coming back to her). He adapted almost immediately to being a house cat. He greets visitors and likes being around people. He follows us around the house and sits on whatever lap is available. He's a good cat. He was wonderful company for me during those months.

Next time (hopefully sooner rather than so much later) I'll write about the mechanics of sharing a house with people who have different ways of doing things. As would be expected. 

Casa Corazon

It's amazing to me how much can change in just one year. August 2, 2019, just over one year ago 3 friends and I signed the final papers to buy a home together in Chapala Centro. We named it Casa Corazon. This comes as a great surprise to all of us. How did this happen? In May 2019 I had been visiting Langley and my family and friends. I was aware that Robert was not going to live much longer. As I thought about that I was suddenly very aware that I did not want to live alone for the rest of my life. The feeling was very strong and when I returned to Chapala I began talking about it with friends. Susan Lewis and I spent a day looking at homes that could accommodate several people in comfort. We saw several possibilities, but after looking in Ajijic and other villages we realized we wanted only to live in Chapala Centro. We thought it would take a long time to find a suitable house. But it didn't. Susan was walking past a little Real Estate office in our neighborhood and saw the photo of this house. That was in June. As soon as Susan and Bill and I walked into this house we knew it was right. We also knew we wanted Amanda to join us. We called her in Alaska where she was finishing her last year of work. We sent photos. She said "count me in." The only thing missing was a pool. The pool was started one week after final signing. Susan and Bill were traveling in Europe, Amanda was in Alaska but made plans to come for final signing, and I was back to Langley for half of August and early September. When I returned the pool was nearly finished and I got Fernando going on remodeling the self contained apartment that comes with the house. Lots of emails, phone calls, and photos back and forth and somehow we managed to collectively make decisions and our nest was getting feathered. Susan and Bill returned and we got busy having the fun of furnishing the whole place. What was an idea was suddenly a reality. We still can't believe we did it.

Let me tell you about Casa Corazon. It is a beautiful big home with 3 bedrooms complete with 

fireplaces and terraces. Each bedroom has it's own bathroom. There is a great space on the main floor that is divided into several different areas. There is a game table, a man space for Bill and his computer and keyboards. There's a sunny area facing the pool we call the solarium, and another space with fireplace for tv watching. Add a beautiful big dining room, very easy to work in kitchen, a laundry and storage room and a powder room. There is room for us all to be together or be private. We enjoy the two fully furnished terraces, and I use part of one as a painting studio. 

Dean and Paul had plans to come here for their annual Thanksgiving time visit, and Amanda came down for the holidays. On November 21st Amanda and I moved our stuff over from our apartments at QQ, and Dean and Paul arrived to stay in the newly completed apartment, Casa Corazoncita. That was our first night to sleep at Casa Corazon. I have been living here full time since then. Susan and Bill joined for Christmas and the house was full of people throughout the winter holidays. We had several dinners and parties. Special to us all was the Christmas Posada for all the people who worked on our house and who help us maintain it. Much tequila and laughter. This house is made for lots of people. In January Susan and Bill returned to Manzanillo and Amanda returned to Alaska. During the first months after Dean and Paul were here in the apartment we had a renter, then Faye and Truman for the month of February. Then Dave and Erin for the first week in March. And then COVID was here. Robert died on March 19 and the government closed everything down on March 20. And suddenly I was here alone. 

Boomer our cat and I lived here alone until early July when Amanda arrived for good. COVID had helped her to decide to retire a half year earlier than she thought she would. Living here alone was probably perfectly timed. After Robert's death I was not interested in going anywhere or seeing many people. I was able to have almost everything delivered and I more or less did nothing for nearly 5 months. The one thing I did regularly was a work out in the pool every day for at least an hour. The temperature of the water remained around 90 degrees because of the solar panels we had installed. I love our pool. 

Amanda arrived here on July 2. She quarantined in the apartment for 2 weeks and then moved into our forever home.

And so life in an intentional shared home has begun. Our intention and vision is to provide a supportive and caring home for each other for as long as we need it. It is amazing what you can get in Mexico when sharing 4 ways. The cost of running our home which includes Mago who cleans, Juan Carlo who cares for the pool, Manuel who cares for the plants, Fernando who fixes whatever needs fixing, and Victor who is our property manager and pays all our bills and taxes costs less than $200.00 U.S. each per month. That includes water, gas, electricity, internet, and tv. The apartment, Corazoncita, will be used for visiting friends and family, occasional renters, an infirmary if needed, or housing for caregivers some day. The house is very flexible. We will use it as we need to as needs arise. 

This morning I got tears in my eyes because I smelled coffee brewing before I got up. Just the knowledge that someone else is making morning coffee after living alone for so long was so very comforting. I loved living alone as well.....until I knew I didn't want to do it the rest of my life. 

Life seems full of miracles, and Casa Corazon is one of many. I'm so grateful for my life. And I look forward to being able to travel again. I look forward to seeing my kids and grandkids and friends and especially to attending the wedding of Dave and Erin in August. 

The End of the Journey

Robert Arthur Carlson

February 1, 1938    March 19, 2020

On October 13th of this year we will have been married for 30 years. At least 15 of those years Robert was fighting what was at first a mysterious malady, finally diagnosed in 2014 as Lewy Body Dementia. The three years we have lived in Chapala Mexico have been ever-changing for both of us. I determined that Robert's disease would not bring me down as well as him. It would have been so easy to make our lives all about him. I had to constantly remind myself that LBD was his path and not mine. In our marriage we always respected each others paths while converging as well. I will admit it's a tricky thing to do and required many course corrections over the years. 

Robert had a mighty struggle with LBD for so many years, and then a few months ago he said to me that he thought he was through crying about all that he had lost. I was happy to hear him say that, but wasn't sure he would remember he had that thought. However, since then he had seemed to live in a state of acceptance and gratefulness. When he breathed his last breath on Thursday, March 19th at 1:31 in the afternoon he seemed to be totally at peace. This might sound strange, but he looked happy. So far my main feeling is that I am happy for his release. It was a very long good bye.

Robert died the day before the government here in Chapala closed all the nursing homes to visitors because of Corona Virus. Good timing. It was also the same time the government was urging all residents to stay home, especially all people over 60 years of age. One of my housemates, Susan, was here during the week that Robert died and I was glad for her company. She needed, however, to return to Manzanillo. Another housemate, Amanda, is more or less stuck in Sitka Alaska for now. And so I find myself living alone in a big house we all bought together. The plan was to not live alone during our old age. However, CoVid 19 had other plans for us for now. So I'm living alone in this big house with Boomer, our cat. As it turns out it is good timing for me to be living alone, and I certainly have had lots of time to practice doing so. Robert lived in nursing facilities for 5 years during which time I lived alone in Langley for 2 of those years and have lived alone here in Chapala for the last 3. Later I will write a blog about this house, Casa Corazon, and how it came to be in my life. 

On Valentine's Day 1989 Robert got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had several thoughts besides yes. One thought was I wondered if he knew what he was getting into with me. Another thought was that now I had something to lose, and that one of us would see the other one die. And this is how it played out. We packed a lot of fun into our years of marriage. I have been spending time looking at photos and writings and conjuring up memories. One of the best things we did was bring our adult children together, and they were the source of many of our happiest memories. We were extremely grateful that our kids went along with the blended family idea. We all benefited. I am very glad I said yes when he asked me to marry him. I can honestly say we had a wonderful marriage even though it wasn't the marriage we imagined. 

My Journey with Robert has come to an end, but the adventure continues. 

If you would like to know more about Robert and his life and see photos of our lives together please visit:

Hello, The Carlsons and the Rays would like to share Robert Carlson's Memorial with you. View their life story, leave a tribute message, share photos and more.

Robert Carlson View Memorial

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A Lesson In Impermanence

It has been a long time since I have written in this blog. Quite frankly it's been because life has been busy, full of friends and some travel, and there just didn't seem to be anything to write about other than to say "All is well and I'm having a fine time." I will write about some of these things later in this post because this serves as a kind of journal for me as well as a way to share this adventure with anyone who might be interested. 

I'm starting with photos of paintings I have made of the QQ (Quinta Quetzlquatl) Boutique Hotel, the 8 room hotel that is in this compound along with 6 private residences. I live in one of those private residences, and this situation has been ideal for me. The hotel, the large gardens and homes have had a warm, old Mexico, inviting vibe about them. Anyone coming in the front gate is immediately captured by the magic of the place. The hotel has been for sale for many years, but it became imperative to sell it when the owner became quite ill. Several friends and I pooled our available resources and made a decent bid for it. We intended to restore, refresh, repair and continue the bucolic life we all share here. Alas, we could not meet the mark and it was sold to an investment group who seemingly came out of nowhere. There is really a big story here but I'm trying to keep this as brief as possible. 

 So I want to say a little bit about my daily life here. At 7:15 a.m. I dimly hear the garage doors opening because Lupe, the gardener for many years, is arriving for work. Soon I hear the comforting sound of sweeping. I know he will soon go have breakfast with Mago, his friend who is the amazing and beautiful maid from the hotel. And then the day goes on from there. Jose, the part time gardener arrives in the afternoon. There are smiles and hugs and "buenos dias/tardes" throughout the day. There is tremendous affection between the residents and the staff. This is the background of my day everyday but Sunday when the garden is quiet and the leaves go unswept. My favorite Christmas party is the one the staff gives for the residents annually. Also Lupe does a corn roast, from his corn field, every year. There is joking and laughing and teasing throughout the garden. There is a rhythm and a feeling and a shape to the days and to the months. If my friends and I had been able to purchase the hotel, this rhythm would have gone on uninterrupted. I have had an openhearted affection and attachment to the hotel, the grounds and the staff. It was perfect. I consider myself to be very lucky to have landed into such a safe and delightful nest. I have painted scenes of the hotel several times.

We were disappointed and a little relieved when we realized we could not purchase the hotel, but we believed the new owners would more or less carry on the way it was. As time goes on it appears that will not be so. They asked that Mago's employment be terminated before they took over. The community here was saddened and concerned for her. She found another job but misses QQ terribly. The look of the hotel began to change daily. What was lush and inviting is now clean, clear, minimized. The owners have discovered, or maybe they knew, that the hotel was remodeled in the 1940s by Luis Barragan who was Mexico's Frank Loyd Wright. He was not known for remodels, but did it as a favor for the mayor who was living here at that time. Luis Barragan was a minimalist, and his buildings are extremely handsome and austere. All of the arches and graceful curves at the hotel have been added by subsequent owners over the years to return the building to the charming look of Old Mexico. The hotel is a member of the Home Owners Association here and cannot do anything to common grounds (everything outside of their drip line) without approval of the HOA. Now that the historical society is aware of the building the owners of the hotel will have to adhere to the historical society's architects instructions to restore to Barragan's time. In any event, the look of the hotel is now changed and will continue to change. 

Meanwhile Lupe became ill with a cancerous growth on his neck and has been in the hospital for weeks. He is 71 and should actually be retiring and collecting his social security, but like Mago he liked working here and wants to continue. 

The garden cannot go even a few days without a gardener so the HOA had to make a tough decision to hire a gardening service. In so doing they had to terminate Jose as well because the owner of the service prefers to work with his own staff. None of this was done lightly. It was done with a heavy heart. I am not a homeowner here. I'm a renter. But I live here full time as does the HOA administrator. She has had a very tough and emotional time with all of these decisions. 

So in a few months time Mago, the heart of the hotel, Lupe, the heart of the garden, and Jose are no longer here. The hotel no longer looks the same and will continue to change. It is hard to describe the depth of my sadness and grief at this ending. I have only been here for two years but my attachment was deep. Its the end of an era. Of course I'm accepting the changes little by little. What else can I do? But my feelings about the compound have changed. It's not in my nature to feel detached, so we will see where this goes. Life has a way of telling me what to do next. I will just wait and watch. In the meantime I still adore my home, and the garden will only get better with the help of the new gardeners.  Just a lesson in impermanence. Everything changes. Why shouldn't this? And I do believe that the restored hotel will be handsome and will be a mimi monument to Luis Barragan. It doesn't mean I have to like it. 

At the same time I feel more detached from Robert. Or maybe not from him, but the sense I have is that my tether to him is a little bit longer. I feel more free to be away from here for longer periods of time. I just returned from 18 days in Langley and Seattle and when I saw him for the first time when I got back he said "Oh there's my wife. I remember you. Thanks for coming to see me." Today after we had lunch together he told me he was ready to take a nap and he waved me goodbye after I tucked him in. He used to beg me to stay. I'm planning a month long visit to Whidbey this coming August/September. I want to go there more often and stay longer. I need to spend more time with my family and

dear friends. I also love my Langley home.

So I'm not an innkeeper, though I thought I would be for awhile there. Probably just as well. 

I said I would write about my last 10 months here in this post, but I don't really feel like it. I will save those stories for another blog. I hope all is well with you all. Expect another blog post soon.

Where is Home?

As our second year of living in Mexico opened it became very clear to me that things felt very different from the first year. I had been through all the seasons, and they were beginning again. A couple of things dawned on me. One was that I wanted to spread my wings and see more of Mexico. Another was that I also want to visit Casa Amanecer, the house I'm involved with in Manzanillo, more often. And the third was realizing I can go back to Whidbey pretty much as often as I would like. Within reason of course. 

Because of trips I have taken I have learned that Robert does fine without me here. In some ways he does better when he isn't expecting me to visit him. It's a knife edge for me. How can I most help Robert? And how often do I need to see  him with my own eyes and know how he is doing? 

Some major themes for me at this time are: 1) How can I be most helpful to Robert. 2) Is it okay to have a happy life when I know Robert is suffering. 3) Where exactly is home. Luckily I have been introduced to an amazing support group for caregivers. The group is a good place to find help and support for these big questions. I also have made some wonderful friends here at Lakeside with whom there is mutual support. Of course my family and friends  NOB (north of the border, as we say here) remain a constant source of support to me. 

In May I returned to Whidbey for several reasons, the two main ones being that I felt I needed to sell my motorhome, dear Riggity Jig, and to have a family get together. Both happened in fine style. It was hard to say goodbye to Riggity, but she found a fabulous new owner. The Ray/Carlson clan gathered at Barb's house, as has been our custom, on Mother's Day weekend.

Bye bye Riggity. And some of the Carlson/Ray clan. I could write an entire blog about how much fun we had.

The last 5 days of my two weeks in the Northwest I spent with new friends in Alaska. I met Amanda when she contacted me about finding care for her husband, Larry. She brought Larry to La Casa Nostra and fell in love with Chapala. She will soon be my next door neighbor. She and her friend, Maggie, showed me around Ketchikan and Juneau. A float plane trip to see 6 glaciers and have a salmon dinner in a remote lodge was a highlight. 

Before I left for the wonderful PNW my Spanish teacher, Juan, had invited me to go to Durango with him to his nieces's quincenera. Some Mexican girls, when they turn 15, have a sort of welcome to womanhood party. I had heard how grand these parties can be and felt deeply honored to be invited. There were 245 guests at this fiesta, and one gringa. The two hour plane trip took us to Durango where I stayed in a wonderful hotel and was hosted and welcomed warmly by Juan's very large family. One sister in law, Paty, took me under her wing and showed me all the high points of Durango. Again, I could write an entire blog about the celebration and about Durango. The party was like a wedding. It started in the cathedral at 4:00 p.m., proceeded to a ruins for photo shoots, and then to the venue where we dined and drank tequila and danced and had fireworks and confetti and all sorts of traditions until I don't know how late. Juan and I left at 1:00 am and it was in high gear. I did not encounter one other person during the 4 days I was there that spoke English other than Juan. I have no idea why Juan invited me to do this, but I will be forever grateful. 

These photos are of me, Juan, and Paty and of the families of the two girls who were being honored. I guess I am integrating a little bit into the culture. Incidentally, my Spanish is very minimal so this was a challenging visit. 

This is beginning to read like a travelogue. Since April, when I wrote my last blog, I have been away from Chapala 5 weeks. So in 6 months I've been away for 5 weeks. 

Summer in Chapala is very different from Winter. In the QQ gardens where I live there is no one else living in the 6 other houses. Its just the garden and the turtles and the gardeners and me. There have been a few visitors, but mostly I am living here, visiting Robert, painting a little, and getting to know the neighbors on my street. It is mostly very peaceful. There are the occasional parties that can rattle your teeth, but mostly it is tranquil. It is rainy season so it often rains very dramatically at night and the days are warm and beautiful. 

 

During the rainy season the garden is at it's most lush and colorful and the usually clear blue sky has wonderful clouds. 

In August I was drawn back to the PNW because dear friends of nearly 50 years were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Frank and Lynn Lindsay invited their friends to help them celebrate in a grand and warm fashion at the Rainier Club in Seattle. Such fun to get all dressed up and have cocktails and dine and dance together in full joy. I couldn't help but notice some crutches and walkers and canes about. A new reality. 

While visiting Whidbey and Seattle I spent very rich time with some of my Sketchers Tribe as well as my family. A dear friend invited a few of us to spend a day cruising on their boat to Lopez . Her husband has a very different kind of dementia from Robert. He has what is called Positive Dementia. He is content and still retains his abilities to captain a boat. He took us safely to Lopez and back. Again, food and wine and laughter and love. 

The last weekend I was there I joined Dan and Sheri, and a bunch of their friends I have known since they were all kids, at Flowing Lake County Park for a camping weekend. It's a beautiful campground just outside of Snohomish. And guess what....good food, wine, laughter, love and the great PNW! The answer to Where is Home is being answered as I write. My heart home is the PNW and always will be. Also my home is where Robert is for as long as he is here. If he predeceases me I have no idea what I will do. That's a question for another day. 

So that brings me back to Chapala and my life here. I guess writing this also partially answers the question "Is it okay to be happy when Robert is suffering." I am basically content and often quite happy. I guess it has to be okay. I am grateful for my health and my strength. I am taking a rigorous water aerobics class nearby two mornings a week and that makes me feel a bit better about myself. I remain very, very grateful for the many visitors who find their way to this magical garden and especially grateful that they continue to visit Robert. I look forward to the upcoming visitor season when the garden will fill up again with people I love. I also love the tranquility and the quiet. 

Some neighbors have invited me to join them on a trip to Moralia and Patzcuaro for a week in October for an international film festival that I hear is very big. This helps to fulfill my desire to see more of Mexico and to get to know the neighbors better. I'll also see some great films. 

Next month I will become 81 years of age and Robert and I will celebrate 27 years of marriage. 

The biggest question of how can I be most helpful to Robert still shreds my heart pretty much daily. His moods and behaviors cycle throughout the day. Sometimes he yells, sometimes he cries, and sometimes he is very present and always wants to know about our kids and friends. Robert has lots of visitors. Besides me and our friends who come from NOB to visit, we have a local expat friend, Laney, who visits him regularly. Also I pay a lovely young woman, Kim, to have lunch with him once a week. Richey, his physical therapist, is there 3 times a week. Fernando, a massage therapist, visits him often. Connection with people remains very, very important to him. HIs dear friends George and Jerald FaceTime with him regularly. Jerald was recently here in person and visited him every day. He had one really good day with robert and felt pretty disappointed about the others. Robert is pretty steadily trying to call friends and family throughout the day. He doesn't seem to understand that people can't always answer the phone. His understanding of time, distance, and what is happening to who is very shaky. If he sees a hurricane on tv he believes it is coming to him. He doesn't watch tv much anymore. Sometimes he thinks I'm just here on the weekends. I can see him everyday and he will say I haven't been there for a week.  

This is a street near my house. The city rebuilt the streets and sidewalks and then told the homeowners they would paint their houses if they would just pick paint colors. 

This is Colon Street in Ajijic. It is the main drag where it's fun to eat and buy clothes. 

A painter friend of mine was staying in a very old hacienda in ajijic. He invited me over to paint there one day. You can't tell from the painting but it is basically outside under a tile roof. The pool is behind where I was standing.