Little by Little...

Robert has a new psychiatrist and I have great hopes for his interventions. He spent 1/1/2 hours alone with Robert and then about 40 minutes with me (at La Casa Nostra, BTW). He knows and understands Lewy Body Dementia and agrees with the diagnosis. I am greatly relieved. No one told him Robert’s diagnosis before his session with him. He ordered happy lights for his room, and an Exelon patch. (google it, it looks really promising to me). Robert has been wearing the patch for about a week. It is at the very lowest dosage to start, so can’t tell if there is any change. He has tranquil days….and some very agitated days. In about 3 months (one thing at a time….waiting to see how Robert reacts to the patch) Dr. Aldana will start treating Robert for the Parkinson’s symptoms. He thinks meds can recover some of his mobility…..at least for awhile. I am so sorry that Robert is pretty unhappy much of the time. And who wouldn't be? He has lost most of his mobility, his short term memory is failing, he's dependent for most activities of daily living. Still he can carry on good intellectual conversations. Robert is his best self when he is with other people. 

When I arrived at La Casa Nostra yesterday there was a fiesta beginning. A new resident, Jean, is obviously very beloved in the community. Friends have been bringing her to meals for a couple of months while they wait for a room for her (the rooms around the courtyard have a very long waiting list) to get her used to la Casa Nostra and the other residents. The friends call themselves Team Jean. Yesterday they had arranged a big birthday bash and housewarming party for her. I’m afraid dear Jean won’t remember it. She is a darling woman and very charming. Anyway, there was cake and balloons and music and dancing. In fact they hired a dance instructor to be there to sort of teach a little salsa, but also to dance with everyone and get things going. Robert was able to stand in front of his wheelchair for about a song and a half and we jiggled, swayed, danced. He had a huge grin. I had a nice dance with Tony, a little salsa. When Robert is with people, especially Tony, he is quite himself. The people there are fond of him and call him “quite a special guy.” I do my best to take him to the garden when I’m there. Here are a few photos from the party:

Heart brothers

Group dance

   

Tony says he loves this chapter of his life because of the people there (both staff and residents) and because of what he is learning. He says it is God’s plan. I like that he talks this way with Robert. 

Let’s see. A little slice from my life. I now ride buses more than I take cabs. The bus can be quite an experience. Sometimes they are so crowded you can barely squeeze another person in. People sit on the dashboard. Sometimes the bus driver has his kid with him. Sometimes musicians get on and play hoping for tips. The other day the bus was so crowded several of us entered by the back door. To pay we handed our money to someone in front of us who passed the money to the front. I had a 20 peso note and the fare is 10 pesos. I saw my note go forward. Pretty soon 10 pesos were handed back down the line to me.

Yesterday I took the bus to Robert @ 11:00 a.m. and the party was just starting. I left at about 1:30 because I needed to be in Ajijic by 2:00 for an appointment with Polo, the hearing aid guy (he comes from guadalajara to LCS every monday and every 1st and 3rd saturday). Both Robert and I had hearing aids not working. I waited quite awhile for the bus and then it zoomed past me because it was too full. I started hailing cabs as they came by. One pulled over….and he was a cabbie I’ve had many times before. He was dropping a woman off right where I was! So I jumped in and he got me to my appt just in time. I think of these experiences as little miracles. Polo was able to repair our hearing aids. While talking to him I decided I will buy myself new state of the art hearing aids from him for my birthday. They cost more or less the same as in the U.S., and I’ll get a 15% discount because I’m an LCS member (Lake Chapala Society). While leaving Polo I got text from a friend telling me she and her husband would be coming through Ajijic soon and would be going grocery shopping and to pick up the leather chairs we ordered last week from the guy who makes them. I sat on a curb and waited for them to pick me up on their way by. Living without a car can be challenging at times, like doing major grocery shopping or picking up large things like the chair and footstool I ordered. So another little miracle that a friend just happened to be going grocery shopping and coming by where I was.

This is the guy who made my desk chair and foot stool. My stool is like the one he is sitting on. My chair is more or less like the one he is working on. 700 pesos for the chair. 400 for the stool. Total about $60 U.S. for both. They turned out beautifully and I am sitting in my new equipale chair right now. 

BIG NEWS! I’m so happy. I had blood work done to get established with my new doc here, Dr. Santiago Hernandez. As usual my cholesterol is high while everything else is totally normal. I have been really worried that my arteries might be getting clogged, so I decided to get an ultrasound of my corotid artery. I was really scared to know the outcome. The outcome  is really good! My corotid arteries are 95% to 98% clear. Whoop! I was lying there while he was doing it planning my trip home to have them reamed out I was so sure it would be bad. I told Dr. Hernandez I don’t want to take statins. He prescribed lots of fish/krill oil and metamucil daily. In 6 weeks I’ll have another blood draw. Incidentally, my first visit with Dr. Hernandez was 1200 pesos. After the first each visit is 800 pesos. $60 for the first and $40 thereafter. The ultrasound was $110.00 and practically next door to the doctors office. Everything is close and convenient. 

Today I have no interest in going anywhere. I want to study Spanish (I’m taking a once a week class right on my street!), sketch, walk the malecon, rearrange some stuff regarding my desk space, find dinner somewhere, and watch more episodes of Offspring. Tomorrow is another “out there” day. In a few days Dawn, Robert's daughter, and Sarah, our 12 year old granddaughter will be waking up here for the first time and we will be beginning our adventure together here. Robert is anxious/excited about their visit. He’s telling everyone they are coming. Only he thinks it’s today. Or tomorrow.

My neighbourhood is unfolding to me a little more every day. I think of Mexico as a hidden place. You never know what you will find behind a gate or door. There are 3 very well regarded traditional Mexican restaurants within two blocks of my house. I went to one with neighbours last night and was glad I had their guidance regarding how and what to order. It is nothing like Mexican food I have had before. I look forward to more lessons in eating traditional Mexican food. My Spanish class is just down the block, and I found a hair cutter a few blocks away who did a great job on my hair. Poco y poco. Little by little. 

Daily Living in Chapala

Warning! this posting may be overly long. It has lots of pictures though. I just couldn't quit thinking of things to share. 

In a few days we will have lived here for 2 months. Seems longer, so much has happened, and I have learned so much. I thought today I will just talk about what it is like to live here. I have a beautiful home which belongs to a friend of a friend and it miraculously fell into my lap. I love living in this house, and in the magical garden that surrounds it. 

After walking through a beautiful gate, and a garden and the pool, you come to mi casa. The name of the house is The Galleria. Funny, huh? This is my front porch and entry. In this walled compound there are 7 private homes and Quinta Quezlequatl, a fabulous boutique hotel that has 8 gorgeous suites. It is low season right now, so I rarely see anyone on the grounds. I feel I have a magic garden all to myself, complete with fountains and turtles. I love the turtles and visit them every day. They travel all over the compound, so sometimes I see one, sometimes 4. I have named them Tortilla (my favourite), Taco, Margarita, and Pequena. Guadalupe, the gardener, tells me there are more. 

This view is from the hall to the kitchen. The ceilings are very tall in the living room and there is a beautiful cupola that sheds wonderful natural light. 

There are two bedrooms and two baths in mi casa. This stairway leads to the loft bedroom. I love both bedrooms and have slept in both. To the right of the stairway is my desk and computer. To the left is a window and door leading to a charming patio and fountain. I need more pots and plants out there and someplace to sit. Without a car these kinds of projects become more creative. I hear there is a vivero (nursery) that will plant your pots and deliver. Need to find my way there. My driver, Armando, knows everything and everyone. I know he will help me make this happen when I am ready. When he can't drive me where I want to go he always finds someone who can. Often it is his brother in law, Beto (short for Umberto). 

When Faye and Barb were here they decided I needed a few personal touches. We found this wall hanging....and it knew immediately where it wanted to be. These wall hangings come in many designs and cost from $7 to $11 U.S. depending upon who you buy them from. We also bought two other designs for Robert's room. They add colour and cheer. Obviously this is my kitchen.

I am told that this compound is a full square block in size. It is filled with exotic plants and trees and also some familiar ones. There are lots of roses and daisies, along with the birds of paradise and succulents and cacti. The garden is filled with birds and there is birdsong most of the day. The street is right on the other side of the wall to my patio (Calle Zaragoza), so I hear the sounds of the city. The are sometimes barking dogs, cars with loudspeakers advertising who knows what. There is the gas truck with a special sing song announcement, and the tinkling sound of the ice-cream truck. During the weekend Chapala is the go to place from all around and the city fills with people who are mostly on the malecon which is one block away. Then there are the sounds of cars passing, people talking, music and singing and laughing, which goes on until the wee hours. Of course there are the church bells which start around 7:00 a.m. with a call to worship. The pattern of the bells seemed really mysterious to me at first, but a mexican friend explained it to me....and now I have a general idea. There are first, second and third calls to worship (involving around 35 chimes in differing patterns), the hour of the day, and then special patterns for weddings, funerals, baptisms. So sometimes it is truly peaceful and quiet here with just birdsongs and water splashing in the fountains. And sometimes I'm very aware that I am living right in the middle of a very busy city. I like it all. Here are a few shots of the garden:

In this view I am standing on my front porch looking into the garden. At the other end of the path is a very lovely home, but I have not yet seen anyone there. I am told the owners of the other homes come in the Fall and stay for the Winter. 

This is just one of the many magnificent plants in the garden. this is an enormous cactus. There are two of these. I have no idea how old they are. At the moment they are producing a fruit that I can't remember the name of. It is bright red and sweet and juicy. One of the gardeners gave me a taste yesterday and left a gift of 4 of them on my porch. 

Just another view of my front porch that gives you an idea of the varieties of plants in the garden. I always love coming home and wandering through the paths and the plants. The mango trees are dropping fruit like crazy right now. I pick up the ones that are not too damaged from their fall and eat them. The gardeners pick them up every day, but it still smells like mango wine is being made some of the time. 

I am so centrally located that I can walk to anything I need. I get all my pesos from ATM machines. My favourite is Santander....about 4 blocks away. I pay all my U.S. bills from my bank's Bill Pay on line. I pay for Robert's care by wiring money from his account to the account of La Casa Nostra where he lives. Most everything else is in pesos. I reserve my Visa card for big things like travel or medical bills. I charged Robert's emergency hospital costs on my Visa. Hopefully United Health Care is reimbursing me 80% of that minus $250 deductible. Food is plentiful and easy to get and inexpensive. The mercado is 3 blocks away where I can buy all fruits, veggies, meats, flowers. We are totally living within our social security checks and a small amount from our IRA. It's pretty hard to spend much money here. 

A bouquet like this costs 140 pesos, or $7 more or less. 

I rarely cook. I mean to, but there are restaurants everywhere you look and the food is generally very good and very inexpensive. I just haven't figured out how to get enough veggies. My doctor tells me they have vitamin T here....Tacos, tortillas, tortas, tamales..... I love the guacamole in a local place and sometimes just have a margarita and guacamole made right at the table. Breakfasts are easy because of the plentiful fruit and a very delicious yogurt bread that a local guy makes filled with fruit. I try to eat a good breakfast, more or less a main meal around 3:00 (usually enough food that I can bring half home for later) and a snack for dinner. It works most of the time. Trouble is, there is an Argentinian bakery in the next block that not only makes fabulous espresso but the baked goods are out of this world. I visit Tomas and Guillermo (father and son owner/bakers) more often than I should. Also there are little bakeries here and there that make delicious cakes. 

Most of the clothes I brought with me just don't work here. I have slowly been buying Mexican cotton pants and tops and dresses to create a comfortable and cool wardrobe. Most pieces are around 400 pesos....$20 more or less? So I can splurge a little. 

My exercise is modest, but daily. I walk the malecon where there are always people strolling, talking, sitting, eating, drinking, taking photos. There is always music and food.

A very quick sketch of some guys hanging around the malecon

Every sunset the skies are different. Always beautiful. Lake Chapala is 50 miles long. Some of the water goes to Guadalajara for drinking water. Some of it goes to irrigate crops in this area. The lake can get low, so the water is guarded. The rains fill it up annually so they always pray for a good rainy season. People fish the lake, take folks on boat tours, but not many people swim in it. I have not yet gone on a boat tour, but look forward to it. I read somewhere there are over 100 varieties of shorebirds. It is really fun to watch the birds.  

There is always music and various other forms of entertainment.

There are paintings everywhere waiting to be made. I hope I start doing some soon.

I have made some friends. Most of them I met in the grocery store or on the street. "Hi, you live around here?" is my usual pick up line. I will start taking spanish lessons next week with Erin, a neighbour, who I met one day on the way to the lavanderia. Juan has a school in his home just two blocks from here. How can I not? I took a little test to see where I should start....somehow I know enough verbs (much to my great surprise) to take with Erin who knows more than I do. 

Laundry. I don't have a washer or drier, but there is a lavanderia a couple blocks up the street. I take my dirties and they wash, dry and fold and I pick them up the next day. Barb isn't here anymore, but one day when she was here she helped me bring my laundry home (I had had lots of guests so this was an unusually large load....sheets and towels etc.):

Of course I visit Robert 4 or 5 times a week, and we FaceTime or talk on the phone several times a day. 

Have I left anything out? Money, friends, food, mi casa, laundry. Mary Lou, the maid, comes once a week and makes everything wonderful and clean. $9 or $10 per week? The weather is now the fabulous weather I was told about. May was way too hot. I can see why people leave. I went to a meeting of Ajijic Society of Artists and got volunteered to do the program for September. New blood I guess. I'll talk about sketching. That will be easy. Maybe I can gather a sketching group? I have not been sketching and need to start. 

As you can probably see life here is very sweet. Of course it isn't Langley, and this isn't my tribe, and I'm aware I'm pretty far from home and family......and I wonder how long I will live here.....and each day is an adventure. I feel totally comfortable here, and love how many guests I have had. Keep on coming down. I think this is over and out for this very long post. Thanks for reading this far, if you did.

Friendship

The support of my friends while I'm making this transition is humbling. I am rich in friendship and count my lucky stars every day. See my heart counting my lucky stars?

The day before Sue left Heida arrived.

The two of them made a lovely connection, which gladdens my heart. I love it when my friends like each other. Heida has known Robert since the 70's when she was starting her massage practice and Robert was a new MSW. They have a fondness for one another that comes from knowing a person for such a long time. Heida and Robert had some wonderful conversations recalling their shared past.

Robert is fully able to have super conversations when something or someone access' that part of his brain. It's a joy for me to be around when he shows up that way. Quite honestly he spends quite a lot of his time feeling pretty miserable. He was taking an anti psychotic drug for a bit that was agitating him. He knew it and I knew it. Delia also knew it. We stopped it and he has been less agitated but more depressed. If only we knew the magic pill to give him some relief and some peace. And, quite honestly, me too. He is ultra sensitive to drugs so it makes it really tricky to find the right combo. I have no idea how I would be if I was losing bits of my mind and my abilities to move. Heida and I had great conversations. She also has a husband with dementia, so we belong to an unchosen sisterhood. She was only here for 4 days, so we didn't get to explore a lot but it was a great comfort and support and delight to have her here. 

The evening of the day that Heida left Barb arrived, and Faye the next day.

They were here for 10 days, and we sure made the best of them. Both of them had decided they wanted to spend some time here next March when the NW winter is getting just a bit too long and dreary. Some of the time we were searching for rentals for March (which are hard to come by already.....its a popular time here), of course we visited Robert,

and we shopped til we dropped. Almost literally. Ajijic is a very fun place to go look at stuff. And also a great place to eat. It's a 10 minute cab ride, or a little longer on the bus. We did both. A cab is 70 or 80 pesos ($4.00) and the bus is 9 pesos (4 cents?). La Casa Nostra, where Robert lives, is in between so we often visited him for an hour or so and then went on to Ajijic. We discovered limonada con aguas minerals, and stopped to tank up whenever we were hot and tired. Which was often. Faye decided Robert's room needed cheering up (she was right). And she also felt there needed to be more of me in my beautiful home. Color spots. She needed colour spots. She was right, of course. We bought colourful wall hangings and a beautiful mirror and they bought the wonderful heart at the top of this page. Our favourite watering hole became The Beer Garden (romantic, eh?) in Chapala, a couple blocks from my house on the malecon overlooking the lake and the iconic CHAPALA sculpture where everyone has their photo taken. Margaritas or wine and guacamole, made right at our table, became our go to dinner. The guacamole girl pushed her cart to our table as soon as she saw us coming. Of course they bought jewellery and charming memory items and a few pieces of clothing in Ajijic. (Note the beautiful red leather purse I'm wearing in the photo with the 4 of us.....it was made especially for me by a many generations leather worker. Cost? 200 pesos). We walked the malecon in Chapala. We walked and walked. Since I don't have a car....walking is what we do. And it's been hot. And I sweat. And we bought a beautiful vase and an armload of flowers. My beautiful house is a bit more mine because of their visit. Now I see friends and love wherever I look. 

While they were here Bill and Suzie showed up for a night driving back to Manzanillo from New Orleans. Suzie was a hair cutter at one time (it's how I met her) so she gave Robert a long overdue haircut and beard trim, and we went out for drinks and guacamole. 

For being so unlucky with Robert's Lewy Body Dementia, we are very lucky duckies indeed. Obviously it's a mixed bag here. I wish I could help Robert find some peace. I don't like the heat. And it is beautiful and sweet. My house and garden and location could not be beat. Robert's care is excellent, patient and affordable (though he might not always think so). I have a feeling that when it cools down I will really know the charms of this place. I know I am curious about the coming months. And I'm in love with a turtle. I named him Tortilla. 

BTW both Faye and Barb made reservations for spectacular suites at Quinta Quetzlecoatl, www.chapalabnb.com the boutique hotel that occupies part of the compound where my house is, for the month of March. It was a careful process, and they both agreed they couldn't do any better than right here. I'm thrilled and look forward to having them for neighbours. 

Another BTW and follow up to Robert's stent, which is doing really well. No more chest pains. I called United Health Care, our Medicare supplement policy, and discovered they will pay 80%, less $250.00 deductible, for emergency medical services if we have not been out of the country more than 60 days. Heida is mailing my receipts (which were handed to me while we were still in the hospital) to United Health. I look forward to knowing what they will cover. 

What a Pal! Sue's Visit.

Because I have had such supportive friends visiting me I have only lived alone here for 13 days out of the 32 since we arrived. Sue Van Etten arrived here from Whidbey Island on Friday, June 2, just a day after Robert had been released from the hospital after having a stent placed in his coronary artery. Sue was here for a week, and she provided much needed support to me while she was delighting in being here. It seems that Sue loved everything about this place, my house, the gardens, the people, the malecon, the food, the dogs, the horses, the weather. And most supportive to me, she loves La Casa Nostra. We visited Robert most (if not all) of the days she was here. She was impressed with the setting, the care, the staff, the residents, and the food. She talked with, held hands with, patted, looked at everyone she came in contact with. There are 20 residents at La Casa Nostra. Half of them are very sick and confined to wheelchairs or beds. The other half are ambulatory and able to carry on some sort of conversation. 

One resident in particular, Tony, has become a very close friend to Robert. They call themselves "heart brothers" and feel they knew each other from the first moment they met. They have long talks about philosophy, religion, and their lives. Especially, I think, they talk about the stage of life they are in. They are the same age, Tony's birthday is tomorrow. He will be 80. 

Robert has been especially lucky with friendships while living in assisted living places. I am grateful for Frank Phelan from Regency, and for Tony here. 

At la Casa Nostra there are several dogs who live there with their owners, and a couple who visit every day. There are also children around. The grandchildren of the owner are there some of the time, as well as the children of some of the nurses. People are coming in and out all day long. Several of the residents already lived in Lake Chapala, so they have friends from the area who come to visit, as well as family members. And, of course, there are the few who have no one to visit them. I'm thinking of a small sweet woman in a wheelchair who has a blank stare who reached out to hold Sue's hand as she was standing there. We both noticed that her nails were beautifully polished. In fact I think all of the women have polished nails. 

This is a photo of Sue and Robert and Ruth. They are sitting outside of Ruth's room which borders on the garden. The little dog is Ruth's. 

Robert is making a good recovery from his stent procedure. I can't help but think that this could have been discovered in the hospital at Coupeville on one of the times that Robert went to the ER with chest pains. They looked at his heart and since it is fine and healthy they called the pain anxiety or heartburn. This experience has, I hope, taught me to listen better to Robert. He knew there was something the matter. 

On the other hand, a symptom of Robert's Lewy Body is hallucinations or very negative ideas of what is happening to him. He also can not stand alone or walk anymore. I have no doubt that he feels imprisoned in his body. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to be so dependant and so nearly helpless. His upper body and arms and hands are still strong, and he can help with transfers from bed to chair etc. Sometimes he is grateful for where he is and appreciates the kind care. He can certainly have an in depth conversation. Robert is taking meds for the first time in his life. He is being carefully watched. Looking for the right combo to give him some peace. I feel it is long overdue, and really hope the right combo will be found soon. 

Meanwhile Sue and I walked all over Chapala and Ajijic, drank margaritas, went to my corner Argentinian bakery for frappuccinos and croissants and empanadas, and met a number of other gringo residents or gonna be residents. The community here is very welcoming and there are a number of organizations, Facebook pages, and websites dedicated to information and sharing and tips and meeting for ex pats. 

The day before Sue left Heida arrived! I'm rich in friendship. Each friend brings something special and needed to my new life here. Sue helped a lot with food finding and washing and prepping. She changed light bulbs and fixed things and was generally all around handy. I'm still figuring out things out. I had a bad cold for awhile and that slowed me down quite a bit. I'm better now.

Our Wild Ride in an Ambulance

Our wild ride to the hospital

Robert and I had quite an adventure last week. We started out thinking he was having a heart attack…but which turned out to be an occluded artery. he spent two nights in a hospital in Guadalajara and now has a new stent in an artery. This is a good thing. And probably explains some of the chest pain he has had off and on. His heart is fine and healthy, and because of the stent is highly unlikely he would have a heart attack in the future.

So around 4:30 on Tuesday, May 30, Robert was calling me telling me his chest was really hurting, George was calling me because he had been talking to Robert, and Delia got ahold of me. I was home sick with a cold and had been sleeping off and on all day. In a very short time Delia came to get me, there was a doctor and a couple nurses and bunch of equipment in his room, and they were deciding whether or not he should go to the hospital. He was calm. The doctor said he was having a heart attack, but a little one. He recommended we call an ambulance and get him to Guadalajara. Delia handled all that and went with us in the ambulance. Sirens all the way. I rode in the back with him and two attendants. I have to say it was probably the most uncomfortable ride I have ever had. The roads are bumpy, the ambulance is old. It was like sitting in the back of a careening pick up truck. Robert was comfortable in his stretcher, but I was holding on for dear life. It was hot and I was sweating. Which is nothing new....I'm sweating all the time here. Maybe something is wrong with my inner thermostat.

When we got to the hospital the doctor was waiting outside for us. He greeted us, and escorted us to the receiving room where he immediately began asking questions and having Robert hooked up to stuff. There had been an electrocardiogram done at La Casa Nostra. They immediately did another one. Dr Matin showed us the difference between the two. the meaning being that there had been changes between the two. Something was definitely going on but he wasn’t sure what. He did an ultrasound and determined that Robert's heart was healthy and undamaged. Delia and I were there to see all the tests, look at Robert’s heart on various monitors, and Dr. Matin clearly explained everything he was seeing. Since Delia is a nurse she understood what she was looking at. Since Robert's heart was healthy and fine, Dr Matin surmised it had to be in the artery. He recommended a catheritization where he would go into his wrist  and send an explorer up to Robert’s heart and could check the arteries. Robert was insistent that he be included in all decision making which was easily and readily accommodated. I asked when it would be done should Robert agree. the answer was “right now.” Robert said yes, they came and got him and we met Dr. Matin in the cath lab. He was ready to go. I was able to stand at the door until he began….then we waited outside. We were invited in to a side room where the doctor showed us pictures of Robert’s artery and showed us where the occlusion was. There was just one. A short time later we were invited in again to see the whole procedure on a monitor and saw that the stent was installed and inflated. Before we knew it we were in Robert’s room. He was alert and awake and knew what had been done. Delia told me that in Mexican hospitals someone needs to be with the patient all the time. She suggested that since I was sick it would be beneficial to hire a woman she knows to sit with Robert throughout the night so that I could go home and sleep. Angie came in and she is a lovely woman. Robert took to her immediately. So Delia’s son and daughter came to get us at about 10:30. We were all hungry so we went out for tacos at a busy outdoor quickie taco place. I probably went to sleep around 12:30.

Several observations: This ER was like the movies. There were people and machines and people on gurneys all over the place. Lots of busy purposeful activity going on all around us. Everyone was kind and direct and seemingly unhurried and extremely efficient. Delia was there for every moment. She really takes care of her residents!! Robert was amazed and impressed that she was there. And I think comforted. She translated for me regarding all the paperwork and payment stuff. I think now, looking back, that when Robert went to the ER on Whidbey that they saw his heart was okay, but didn’t go the extra step to check his arteries. I’m even more impressed with Delia than before, impressed with the medical system, and unimpressed with the ambulance ride. By the way….while in the ambulance Delia was arranging everything with the hospital and the doctor and so on.

His room was really nice, spacious, with plenty of places for visitors to sit or lie down. One interesting thing….theres a door to the outside with a little patio and a couple of chairs out there. People can go outside!! 

Robert's first night in the hospital was uneventful. He slept peacefully all night except for his usual 3:00 a.m pee break. When we saw him on Wednesday he was happy. Almost giddy. I'm guessing drugs had something to do with it. Wednesday night he deteriorated badly and had a night of distress and what he calls "protest." Its hard for me to write about this part of his disease. For some time he has been having times of anger, combativeness, and the belief that people are trying to hurt him or torture him. Hallucinations are one of the symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia. I believe this is what is happening when he is in that state. 

The final bill, which was presented to me on the spot, was @ $7,000.00 U.S. I paid for it with my credit card (lots of Alaska miles) and hoped our Medigap plan would pay for some of it. As it turns out, we have United Health Care as Part B for Medicare. It is called the cadillac (or peace of mind) policy. As it turns out, that in a foreign country they will pay 80% of necessary emergency procedures after a $250 deductible. It will be interesting to see what they deem as necessary. Incidentally, the hospital costs were minimal. Two nights in the hospital came to $350. The rest of the bill is medical procedures and the doctor. 

Post procedure. That's Delia in the checkered shirt, and her daughter Norma. Angie on the right. 

First Catch Up Email

After living here for about 10 days I wrote this email to family and friends. It may contain more detail than you want to read, but it is a part of our journey, and I want to have it in this history. 

Robert just after lunch. He’s looking at the dining room. Well, really he’s looking at me, but I just wanted to locate the dining room for you.

Dear Family and Friends,

I’m thinking I need to catch you all up on what’s going on here and how we are doing. Most of you probably know much of this, so I apologize if I repeat myself. I need to start my blog soon, but first want to write just to you. First of all we have been here just 10 days. In some ways it seems we’ve been here longer…and in others it seems we just got here, which is closer to the truth. The first three days Kate and I stayed at Nueva Posada Hotel while George stayed in Robert’s room with him, with the exception of the first night. Robert’s first night at La Casa Nostra was really awful. He had a horrible night and kept us all up with phone calls until 2:30 a.m. He was afraid, and angry, and in hindsight I wish we had thought to have George spend that first night with him. On the other hand….it’s been mostly uphill from there. I told him I was going to write to you all and asked him what he wanted me to tell you. He said to tell you he’s having a hard adjustment and there are also some good things. One of the best things is a budding friendship with Antonio, a handsome, buff (works out every day on the workout equipment there), Philipino guy. They have deep conversations and connections. I don’t know why Antonio is there. Like Robert he has a wife who lives in town. Might this be the Chapala version of Frank Phelan? He’s a lovely man. He describes Robert as his friend. For the most part Robert really likes the food. As advertised it is all fresh and home cooked. Nothing prepackaged. He eats better than I do so far. They have their main meal at 2 and a light supper at 6. He likes the warmth of the nurses and other caregivers. There are 20 residents at La Casa Nostra, and 14 employees there all day. All the employees help with the resident care. There is a wonderful man working there who does gardening, serves meals, pushes wheelchairs, whatever. He is sweet and kind and happy. After lunch the other day I saw him standing behind Robert with his hands on Robert’s shoulders and he bent down and kissed him on the top of his head. Robert beamed. Robert (thanks to George) has a lovely large room on the second floor of the main building with a little balcony and a wonderful view. He also gets lovely breezes moving through his room. He has his many family photos where he can see them. He has american tv. Even though there are lots of rough spots and challenges, some things are not so different. He has rough, disoriented mornings and gets afraid of the night, often saying he doesn’t think he’ll make it. He really likes his PT, Richy, an adorably handsome young man with a great sense of humor (and engages Robert’s sense of humor) who comes 3 times a week to work with keeping Robert’s muscles toned and strengthened and his joints moving. Dr Carlos Rodriquez is the psychiatrist who is working with Robert. Again, an extremely handsome man (they don’t seem to make many homely ones here) with incredible kindness and patience. I have no idea how he did it, but he has Robert taking baby amounts of two meds. One is Wellbutrin, and antidepressant, the other an anti psychotic. They will keep watching Robert and if a med is not working or causing agitation they will change until they find the right combo. So far Robert is on board. I don’t know what Dr. Rodriquez did. Hypnotize him? 

My observations of Robert are that he is getting more paranoid ideation. It was starting at Regency where he thought they were stealing his towels and his jeans and stuff. He continues to believe his things are being stolen, and they always turn up. So the difficult mornings and evenings and believing people are stealing things are the same as before we left. The one thing that is different here is that he believes the staff wants to torture him. Sometimes he really believes it. Sometimes he understands he is creating the torture in his own mind. It’s pretty awful when he gets in that space and it takes awhile to talk him down. I’m truly hoping they will find a med that can help him with that. It’s really difficult to watch him suffer when he gets in that space. Paranoia and hallucinations are symptoms of his disease. On the up side, I think he is doing really well considering the magnitude of the change he has been thrust into (by me). I tell him daily how proud I am of his ability to face these challenges and that it’s not surprising that he would have some really rough spots. I might also add that we moved here during the hottest part of the year…..and it is really HOT. It is in the 90s during the day though not horribly humid. Gratefully it cools down at night into maybe the 60s and the mornings are cool and refreshing. In mid June rainy season is starting, and everyone here loves the rainy season. Apparently there is typically dramatic thunder and lightening and rainstorms during the night and you awake to a fresh, cool, clean world. I hope thats how it works. It goes from mid June til September. So both Robert and I are dealing with an unfamiliar climate along with everything else. There is also the language issue. Some of the helpers speak no English, though they do speak caring. Some speak some English, and some speak very well. Robert is learning a little spanish. He says “gracias, muchas gracias."

I need to take some time here to give special thanks to both George Parks and Kate Forster. They accompanied me and Robert here via Alaska Air, and the flight was uneventful. The difficulties started when we got to La Casa Nostra. After that first awful night George moved into Robert’s room (they moved a bed in for him) and he basically lived Robert’s life with him for 3 days 24/7. After that he moved into my new home in Chapala with me and Kate and visited Robert every day, and had long conversations with him on the phone. At first George was skeptical regarding La Casa Nostra and the care there. George, BTW, was also in a new culture for him and had the heat to deal with. As the days went on George became a fan of the place, the food, and the care. It was an enormous help for us all, and I don’t think I could have done what George did. AND we have an inside view of La Casa Nostra through George’s eyes. I believe he became quite fond of some of the residents and staff. I’m including George in this email, so if you wish to clarify anything George, please do so. Meanwhile Kate was unobtrusively supportive of me, which was the perfect way. She was there. Really there. And understanding the enormity of this move in ways I probably don’t myself yet. She helped me settle into my new home, spent hours with me at the grocery store finding items that were needed for me to function here. Her presence was comforting and supportive. They both stayed a week. We had a little fun during those days by exploring the area a bit, and finding some really nice restaurants. We were all majorly task oriented during those days, so it wasn’t anything like a vacation to be sure. Such friendship!!! I am humbled. Robert and I are unbelievably fortunate. 

Meanwhile I also want to thank our whole family and friends for your support and encouragement and understanding. Many thanks to Bess Granby who tirelessly helped me go through my possessions and throw away, recycle, or give away piles of things I really never use or wear. Thanks for the "bon viaje, Happy Mother’s Day, Congratulations on your Marriage Party" at Dan and Sheri’s. And to Faye for helping me pack Robert and taking me to Seattle. To Paula and Jim for graciously storing Riggity in just the perfect place. To Barb for housing my car and keeping her running and receiving my mail and doing some banking. To Sue VanEtten for depositing checks for me. To Dean for taking Robert to Seattle so Faye and I could get things done. To Dan and Sheri for delivering us and all our luggage to the airport at that terribly early hour. And for things you all did that I don’t even know about. And a big special thanks to Susan Lewis for telling me about the care facilities in Ajijic at just the most critical moment. On February 25th I had not the slightest glimmer of a notion that Robert and I would be living in Mexico. After my first two day visit here with Suzie and Kate I came down in March for a 6 day seminar on what you need to know to move to Ajijic. It gave me the confidence to do this. I can’t quite believe all the things that had to be accomplished to make this move possible. And it all seems to have just fallen into place. Some of the important things happened because of friends of friends. It will sound corny, but I feel carried here on the wings of love.

Because of a chance comment by a friend saying that he has a friend with a house down here…..I find myself living in a little Paradise. Besides being beautiful with gardens and pool, it is also very safely walled in with several other private residences and a boutique hotel. Check out chapalabandb.com. Be sure to look at the video. Mi casa, The Galleria, is not in the photos but is in that compound. And the police station is 1/2 block away. I can walk to everything I need. I’m planning to not have a car. Buses cost 7 cents to ride, cabs are around $3.00 wherever I seem to want to go. 

And then, my dear friend Faye’s best friend has a friend who has lived here for 9 years. She put us in touch. Karin has been a gracious, generous, patient welcoming friend. She brought Kate and me here to see this house for the first time, and she took us shopping to outfit it. She has taken me to the Lake Chapala Society, and I am now a card carrying member of a huge active ex-pat community with many valuable services. We then went clothes shopping (all my clothes are way too hot), and out to lunch at the amazing place in the photos below. I also joined her and a friend of hers for dinner at a lovely place because they had free margarita coupons they needed to use up. I was able to help with that. And tonight we are going to a play at the Playhouse, which I am told puts on excellent performances.

I fear this is getting overly long. How am I? Mostly really good. Like Robert I have my challenging times. Some of them are related to his, and some are my own. The heat is a challenge. Food is a challenge. There’s lots of it everywhere, but I just haven’t found my rhythm and my shops. Today I walked to the market and bought a roasted chicken with roasted potatoes, cole slaw and rice. Where’s the green stuff? That’s the challenging part so far. I keep forgetting to buy the stuff you are supposed to wash the veggies with, so have mainly gotten things you peel. The mangos, avocados and papaya are fabulous. They grow miles and miles of raspberries under white tents, and they are divine. Also the heat makes food seem rather unappealing. A really new experience for me. I’ve grown, already, to understand mañana and siestas. Money is a tiny bit challenging, though I’m getting a handle on how to do on line bill paying, ATM, tipping etc. Im especially having trouble setting up a wire transfer of money to La Casa Nostra. I’m closing in on it though. Once I have it I’ll own it and will do it easily each month. I haven’t exactly been homesick yet, but I do sort of track my family and friends at things I would have been a part of. Sometimes I wake up thinking I’m in Langley. My hips and back ache a bit from walking on hard surfaces all the time. I hear it isn’t uncommon for when you first get here. Walking everywhere is something I’ll build stamina for. Considering I haven’t walked much at all for months my body must be saying “What the?" I expect it’s also grateful. I have met a cab driver who is extremely helpful. I’ve been told you should find one to use and they will be invaluable. My guy’s name is Armando, and he tells the most amazing stories!!!! Delia, the owner of La Casa Nostra first introduced us. They have been friends for years. He also speaks very good English. I love asking him about things while we are getting from place to place.

I think this is more than enough for now. I hope you don’t mind if I use some or all of this in my blog when I get it going. I really don’t want to write it all again. If I left out something you want to know….just ask me. 

with Love and profound gratefulness to you all for your love, support and understanding. I am looking forward to hosting you. Start making your plans. (Some already have).

Mom/Phyllis/gma 

This is at the spa/restaurant where I had lunch yesterday. Inside that head is mud baths.

The restaurant itself. views of forever and wonderful breezes. My new friend Karin is a wonderful guide. She has lived here for 9 years. 

I love laundry shots. On a street in Ajijic. I really like that dress. Wonder where she got it.

Lake Chapala Society is an organisation set up for ex-pats. There are beautiful grounds (this is one of the ponds), a library, a book store, a restaurant, many classes, bus trips, legal advice, you name it. It is an invaluable resource, and serves as a centre where people can meet one another.

Yes, this means what you think it means. At this shop they have ladies night. Hah!