Robert Arthur Carlson
February 1, 1938 March 19, 2020
On October 13th of this year we will have been married for 30 years. At least 15 of those years Robert was fighting what was at first a mysterious malady, finally diagnosed in 2014 as Lewy Body Dementia. The three years we have lived in Chapala Mexico have been ever-changing for both of us. I determined that Robert's disease would not bring me down as well as him. It would have been so easy to make our lives all about him. I had to constantly remind myself that LBD was his path and not mine. In our marriage we always respected each others paths while converging as well. I will admit it's a tricky thing to do and required many course corrections over the years.
Robert had a mighty struggle with LBD for so many years, and then a few months ago he said to me that he thought he was through crying about all that he had lost. I was happy to hear him say that, but wasn't sure he would remember he had that thought. However, since then he had seemed to live in a state of acceptance and gratefulness. When he breathed his last breath on Thursday, March 19th at 1:31 in the afternoon he seemed to be totally at peace. This might sound strange, but he looked happy. So far my main feeling is that I am happy for his release. It was a very long good bye.
Robert died the day before the government here in Chapala closed all the nursing homes to visitors because of Corona Virus. Good timing. It was also the same time the government was urging all residents to stay home, especially all people over 60 years of age. One of my housemates, Susan, was here during the week that Robert died and I was glad for her company. She needed, however, to return to Manzanillo. Another housemate, Amanda, is more or less stuck in Sitka Alaska for now. And so I find myself living alone in a big house we all bought together. The plan was to not live alone during our old age. However, CoVid 19 had other plans for us for now. So I'm living alone in this big house with Boomer, our cat. As it turns out it is good timing for me to be living alone, and I certainly have had lots of time to practice doing so. Robert lived in nursing facilities for 5 years during which time I lived alone in Langley for 2 of those years and have lived alone here in Chapala for the last 3. Later I will write a blog about this house, Casa Corazon, and how it came to be in my life.
On Valentine's Day 1989 Robert got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had several thoughts besides yes. One thought was I wondered if he knew what he was getting into with me. Another thought was that now I had something to lose, and that one of us would see the other one die. And this is how it played out. We packed a lot of fun into our years of marriage. I have been spending time looking at photos and writings and conjuring up memories. One of the best things we did was bring our adult children together, and they were the source of many of our happiest memories. We were extremely grateful that our kids went along with the blended family idea. We all benefited. I am very glad I said yes when he asked me to marry him. I can honestly say we had a wonderful marriage even though it wasn't the marriage we imagined.
My Journey with Robert has come to an end, but the adventure continues.
If you would like to know more about Robert and his life and see photos of our lives together please visit:
