First Catch Up Email

After living here for about 10 days I wrote this email to family and friends. It may contain more detail than you want to read, but it is a part of our journey, and I want to have it in this history. 

Robert just after lunch. He’s looking at the dining room. Well, really he’s looking at me, but I just wanted to locate the dining room for you.

Dear Family and Friends,

I’m thinking I need to catch you all up on what’s going on here and how we are doing. Most of you probably know much of this, so I apologize if I repeat myself. I need to start my blog soon, but first want to write just to you. First of all we have been here just 10 days. In some ways it seems we’ve been here longer…and in others it seems we just got here, which is closer to the truth. The first three days Kate and I stayed at Nueva Posada Hotel while George stayed in Robert’s room with him, with the exception of the first night. Robert’s first night at La Casa Nostra was really awful. He had a horrible night and kept us all up with phone calls until 2:30 a.m. He was afraid, and angry, and in hindsight I wish we had thought to have George spend that first night with him. On the other hand….it’s been mostly uphill from there. I told him I was going to write to you all and asked him what he wanted me to tell you. He said to tell you he’s having a hard adjustment and there are also some good things. One of the best things is a budding friendship with Antonio, a handsome, buff (works out every day on the workout equipment there), Philipino guy. They have deep conversations and connections. I don’t know why Antonio is there. Like Robert he has a wife who lives in town. Might this be the Chapala version of Frank Phelan? He’s a lovely man. He describes Robert as his friend. For the most part Robert really likes the food. As advertised it is all fresh and home cooked. Nothing prepackaged. He eats better than I do so far. They have their main meal at 2 and a light supper at 6. He likes the warmth of the nurses and other caregivers. There are 20 residents at La Casa Nostra, and 14 employees there all day. All the employees help with the resident care. There is a wonderful man working there who does gardening, serves meals, pushes wheelchairs, whatever. He is sweet and kind and happy. After lunch the other day I saw him standing behind Robert with his hands on Robert’s shoulders and he bent down and kissed him on the top of his head. Robert beamed. Robert (thanks to George) has a lovely large room on the second floor of the main building with a little balcony and a wonderful view. He also gets lovely breezes moving through his room. He has his many family photos where he can see them. He has american tv. Even though there are lots of rough spots and challenges, some things are not so different. He has rough, disoriented mornings and gets afraid of the night, often saying he doesn’t think he’ll make it. He really likes his PT, Richy, an adorably handsome young man with a great sense of humor (and engages Robert’s sense of humor) who comes 3 times a week to work with keeping Robert’s muscles toned and strengthened and his joints moving. Dr Carlos Rodriquez is the psychiatrist who is working with Robert. Again, an extremely handsome man (they don’t seem to make many homely ones here) with incredible kindness and patience. I have no idea how he did it, but he has Robert taking baby amounts of two meds. One is Wellbutrin, and antidepressant, the other an anti psychotic. They will keep watching Robert and if a med is not working or causing agitation they will change until they find the right combo. So far Robert is on board. I don’t know what Dr. Rodriquez did. Hypnotize him? 

My observations of Robert are that he is getting more paranoid ideation. It was starting at Regency where he thought they were stealing his towels and his jeans and stuff. He continues to believe his things are being stolen, and they always turn up. So the difficult mornings and evenings and believing people are stealing things are the same as before we left. The one thing that is different here is that he believes the staff wants to torture him. Sometimes he really believes it. Sometimes he understands he is creating the torture in his own mind. It’s pretty awful when he gets in that space and it takes awhile to talk him down. I’m truly hoping they will find a med that can help him with that. It’s really difficult to watch him suffer when he gets in that space. Paranoia and hallucinations are symptoms of his disease. On the up side, I think he is doing really well considering the magnitude of the change he has been thrust into (by me). I tell him daily how proud I am of his ability to face these challenges and that it’s not surprising that he would have some really rough spots. I might also add that we moved here during the hottest part of the year…..and it is really HOT. It is in the 90s during the day though not horribly humid. Gratefully it cools down at night into maybe the 60s and the mornings are cool and refreshing. In mid June rainy season is starting, and everyone here loves the rainy season. Apparently there is typically dramatic thunder and lightening and rainstorms during the night and you awake to a fresh, cool, clean world. I hope thats how it works. It goes from mid June til September. So both Robert and I are dealing with an unfamiliar climate along with everything else. There is also the language issue. Some of the helpers speak no English, though they do speak caring. Some speak some English, and some speak very well. Robert is learning a little spanish. He says “gracias, muchas gracias."

I need to take some time here to give special thanks to both George Parks and Kate Forster. They accompanied me and Robert here via Alaska Air, and the flight was uneventful. The difficulties started when we got to La Casa Nostra. After that first awful night George moved into Robert’s room (they moved a bed in for him) and he basically lived Robert’s life with him for 3 days 24/7. After that he moved into my new home in Chapala with me and Kate and visited Robert every day, and had long conversations with him on the phone. At first George was skeptical regarding La Casa Nostra and the care there. George, BTW, was also in a new culture for him and had the heat to deal with. As the days went on George became a fan of the place, the food, and the care. It was an enormous help for us all, and I don’t think I could have done what George did. AND we have an inside view of La Casa Nostra through George’s eyes. I believe he became quite fond of some of the residents and staff. I’m including George in this email, so if you wish to clarify anything George, please do so. Meanwhile Kate was unobtrusively supportive of me, which was the perfect way. She was there. Really there. And understanding the enormity of this move in ways I probably don’t myself yet. She helped me settle into my new home, spent hours with me at the grocery store finding items that were needed for me to function here. Her presence was comforting and supportive. They both stayed a week. We had a little fun during those days by exploring the area a bit, and finding some really nice restaurants. We were all majorly task oriented during those days, so it wasn’t anything like a vacation to be sure. Such friendship!!! I am humbled. Robert and I are unbelievably fortunate. 

Meanwhile I also want to thank our whole family and friends for your support and encouragement and understanding. Many thanks to Bess Granby who tirelessly helped me go through my possessions and throw away, recycle, or give away piles of things I really never use or wear. Thanks for the "bon viaje, Happy Mother’s Day, Congratulations on your Marriage Party" at Dan and Sheri’s. And to Faye for helping me pack Robert and taking me to Seattle. To Paula and Jim for graciously storing Riggity in just the perfect place. To Barb for housing my car and keeping her running and receiving my mail and doing some banking. To Sue VanEtten for depositing checks for me. To Dean for taking Robert to Seattle so Faye and I could get things done. To Dan and Sheri for delivering us and all our luggage to the airport at that terribly early hour. And for things you all did that I don’t even know about. And a big special thanks to Susan Lewis for telling me about the care facilities in Ajijic at just the most critical moment. On February 25th I had not the slightest glimmer of a notion that Robert and I would be living in Mexico. After my first two day visit here with Suzie and Kate I came down in March for a 6 day seminar on what you need to know to move to Ajijic. It gave me the confidence to do this. I can’t quite believe all the things that had to be accomplished to make this move possible. And it all seems to have just fallen into place. Some of the important things happened because of friends of friends. It will sound corny, but I feel carried here on the wings of love.

Because of a chance comment by a friend saying that he has a friend with a house down here…..I find myself living in a little Paradise. Besides being beautiful with gardens and pool, it is also very safely walled in with several other private residences and a boutique hotel. Check out chapalabandb.com. Be sure to look at the video. Mi casa, The Galleria, is not in the photos but is in that compound. And the police station is 1/2 block away. I can walk to everything I need. I’m planning to not have a car. Buses cost 7 cents to ride, cabs are around $3.00 wherever I seem to want to go. 

And then, my dear friend Faye’s best friend has a friend who has lived here for 9 years. She put us in touch. Karin has been a gracious, generous, patient welcoming friend. She brought Kate and me here to see this house for the first time, and she took us shopping to outfit it. She has taken me to the Lake Chapala Society, and I am now a card carrying member of a huge active ex-pat community with many valuable services. We then went clothes shopping (all my clothes are way too hot), and out to lunch at the amazing place in the photos below. I also joined her and a friend of hers for dinner at a lovely place because they had free margarita coupons they needed to use up. I was able to help with that. And tonight we are going to a play at the Playhouse, which I am told puts on excellent performances.

I fear this is getting overly long. How am I? Mostly really good. Like Robert I have my challenging times. Some of them are related to his, and some are my own. The heat is a challenge. Food is a challenge. There’s lots of it everywhere, but I just haven’t found my rhythm and my shops. Today I walked to the market and bought a roasted chicken with roasted potatoes, cole slaw and rice. Where’s the green stuff? That’s the challenging part so far. I keep forgetting to buy the stuff you are supposed to wash the veggies with, so have mainly gotten things you peel. The mangos, avocados and papaya are fabulous. They grow miles and miles of raspberries under white tents, and they are divine. Also the heat makes food seem rather unappealing. A really new experience for me. I’ve grown, already, to understand mañana and siestas. Money is a tiny bit challenging, though I’m getting a handle on how to do on line bill paying, ATM, tipping etc. Im especially having trouble setting up a wire transfer of money to La Casa Nostra. I’m closing in on it though. Once I have it I’ll own it and will do it easily each month. I haven’t exactly been homesick yet, but I do sort of track my family and friends at things I would have been a part of. Sometimes I wake up thinking I’m in Langley. My hips and back ache a bit from walking on hard surfaces all the time. I hear it isn’t uncommon for when you first get here. Walking everywhere is something I’ll build stamina for. Considering I haven’t walked much at all for months my body must be saying “What the?" I expect it’s also grateful. I have met a cab driver who is extremely helpful. I’ve been told you should find one to use and they will be invaluable. My guy’s name is Armando, and he tells the most amazing stories!!!! Delia, the owner of La Casa Nostra first introduced us. They have been friends for years. He also speaks very good English. I love asking him about things while we are getting from place to place.

I think this is more than enough for now. I hope you don’t mind if I use some or all of this in my blog when I get it going. I really don’t want to write it all again. If I left out something you want to know….just ask me. 

with Love and profound gratefulness to you all for your love, support and understanding. I am looking forward to hosting you. Start making your plans. (Some already have).

Mom/Phyllis/gma 

This is at the spa/restaurant where I had lunch yesterday. Inside that head is mud baths.

The restaurant itself. views of forever and wonderful breezes. My new friend Karin is a wonderful guide. She has lived here for 9 years. 

I love laundry shots. On a street in Ajijic. I really like that dress. Wonder where she got it.

Lake Chapala Society is an organisation set up for ex-pats. There are beautiful grounds (this is one of the ponds), a library, a book store, a restaurant, many classes, bus trips, legal advice, you name it. It is an invaluable resource, and serves as a centre where people can meet one another.

Yes, this means what you think it means. At this shop they have ladies night. Hah! 

The Beginnings of My Unexpected Adventure

On February 25th, 2017 I was visiting my friends in Manzanillo, Mexico. They were asking after Robert, my husband who has Lewy Body Dementia and was living in an assisted living facility in Oak Harbor Washington. I told them his needs were becoming more than assisted living had to offer and I did not know what I would do next. Suzie said "bring him to Ajijic! They have excellent long term care for very affordable costs." I asked how far it was to Ajijic and she said it was a 4 hour drive. We made a road trip to Ajijic and looked at and interviewed facilities. I liked what I saw and felt. It felt like a bold, but viable alternative to spending our retirement funds for extended care in the U.S. A week later I returned to take a 6 day seminar on "everything you need to know to move to Ajijic." I was one of 4 women in a course led once a month called Retiring Lakeside in Mexico (www.retiringlakesideinmexico@yahoo.com) led by Earl French and John McWilliams. While there I further investigated facilities and decided La Casa Nostra (lacasanostra.com) was the right fit for Robert. It is the most expensive home I looked at. The cost is $1,800.00 U.S. per month and will not go up. Earl and John had a friend who had lived there during the last part of his life, and they had the highest praise for the facility and staff. After taking the seminar I felt confident I could do what was needed to make the move. It seems impossible to me now, but on May 10 we arrived in Guadalajara with two fabulous friends, George Parks and Kate Forster, and began the journey of living in Mexico. 
There were many difficult things to leave. I loved my life in Langley. I wanted to participate in one more Art Walk before leaving. Most of you have seen the email I sent regarding this last Art Walk, but since I'm looking at this blog as a sort of shared journal and history of this move, I will publish it here. 

It was a super successful Art Walk, both joyful and extremely sad for me, and marked the end of my art life in Langley. For now anyway. Studio 106 was a haven and a workplace like none other. Two watercolorists have joined Faye Castle and Barb Barry. Studio 106 is changed, and lives on! 
I did not burn any bridges. My condo, car, and motorhome are being well looked after in my absence. My dear cat, Arthur, is in a loving home and now has two cat brothers for playmates. I really thought Langley was the final home in my life, and was delighted with that notion. Life is full of surprises! So now we live in Mexico. Who would have thought? Let the Adventure begin.