Friendship

The support of my friends while I'm making this transition is humbling. I am rich in friendship and count my lucky stars every day. See my heart counting my lucky stars?

The day before Sue left Heida arrived.

The two of them made a lovely connection, which gladdens my heart. I love it when my friends like each other. Heida has known Robert since the 70's when she was starting her massage practice and Robert was a new MSW. They have a fondness for one another that comes from knowing a person for such a long time. Heida and Robert had some wonderful conversations recalling their shared past.

Robert is fully able to have super conversations when something or someone access' that part of his brain. It's a joy for me to be around when he shows up that way. Quite honestly he spends quite a lot of his time feeling pretty miserable. He was taking an anti psychotic drug for a bit that was agitating him. He knew it and I knew it. Delia also knew it. We stopped it and he has been less agitated but more depressed. If only we knew the magic pill to give him some relief and some peace. And, quite honestly, me too. He is ultra sensitive to drugs so it makes it really tricky to find the right combo. I have no idea how I would be if I was losing bits of my mind and my abilities to move. Heida and I had great conversations. She also has a husband with dementia, so we belong to an unchosen sisterhood. She was only here for 4 days, so we didn't get to explore a lot but it was a great comfort and support and delight to have her here. 

The evening of the day that Heida left Barb arrived, and Faye the next day.

They were here for 10 days, and we sure made the best of them. Both of them had decided they wanted to spend some time here next March when the NW winter is getting just a bit too long and dreary. Some of the time we were searching for rentals for March (which are hard to come by already.....its a popular time here), of course we visited Robert,

and we shopped til we dropped. Almost literally. Ajijic is a very fun place to go look at stuff. And also a great place to eat. It's a 10 minute cab ride, or a little longer on the bus. We did both. A cab is 70 or 80 pesos ($4.00) and the bus is 9 pesos (4 cents?). La Casa Nostra, where Robert lives, is in between so we often visited him for an hour or so and then went on to Ajijic. We discovered limonada con aguas minerals, and stopped to tank up whenever we were hot and tired. Which was often. Faye decided Robert's room needed cheering up (she was right). And she also felt there needed to be more of me in my beautiful home. Color spots. She needed colour spots. She was right, of course. We bought colourful wall hangings and a beautiful mirror and they bought the wonderful heart at the top of this page. Our favourite watering hole became The Beer Garden (romantic, eh?) in Chapala, a couple blocks from my house on the malecon overlooking the lake and the iconic CHAPALA sculpture where everyone has their photo taken. Margaritas or wine and guacamole, made right at our table, became our go to dinner. The guacamole girl pushed her cart to our table as soon as she saw us coming. Of course they bought jewellery and charming memory items and a few pieces of clothing in Ajijic. (Note the beautiful red leather purse I'm wearing in the photo with the 4 of us.....it was made especially for me by a many generations leather worker. Cost? 200 pesos). We walked the malecon in Chapala. We walked and walked. Since I don't have a car....walking is what we do. And it's been hot. And I sweat. And we bought a beautiful vase and an armload of flowers. My beautiful house is a bit more mine because of their visit. Now I see friends and love wherever I look. 

While they were here Bill and Suzie showed up for a night driving back to Manzanillo from New Orleans. Suzie was a hair cutter at one time (it's how I met her) so she gave Robert a long overdue haircut and beard trim, and we went out for drinks and guacamole. 

For being so unlucky with Robert's Lewy Body Dementia, we are very lucky duckies indeed. Obviously it's a mixed bag here. I wish I could help Robert find some peace. I don't like the heat. And it is beautiful and sweet. My house and garden and location could not be beat. Robert's care is excellent, patient and affordable (though he might not always think so). I have a feeling that when it cools down I will really know the charms of this place. I know I am curious about the coming months. And I'm in love with a turtle. I named him Tortilla. 

BTW both Faye and Barb made reservations for spectacular suites at Quinta Quetzlecoatl, www.chapalabnb.com the boutique hotel that occupies part of the compound where my house is, for the month of March. It was a careful process, and they both agreed they couldn't do any better than right here. I'm thrilled and look forward to having them for neighbours. 

Another BTW and follow up to Robert's stent, which is doing really well. No more chest pains. I called United Health Care, our Medicare supplement policy, and discovered they will pay 80%, less $250.00 deductible, for emergency medical services if we have not been out of the country more than 60 days. Heida is mailing my receipts (which were handed to me while we were still in the hospital) to United Health. I look forward to knowing what they will cover. 

What a Pal! Sue's Visit.

Because I have had such supportive friends visiting me I have only lived alone here for 13 days out of the 32 since we arrived. Sue Van Etten arrived here from Whidbey Island on Friday, June 2, just a day after Robert had been released from the hospital after having a stent placed in his coronary artery. Sue was here for a week, and she provided much needed support to me while she was delighting in being here. It seems that Sue loved everything about this place, my house, the gardens, the people, the malecon, the food, the dogs, the horses, the weather. And most supportive to me, she loves La Casa Nostra. We visited Robert most (if not all) of the days she was here. She was impressed with the setting, the care, the staff, the residents, and the food. She talked with, held hands with, patted, looked at everyone she came in contact with. There are 20 residents at La Casa Nostra. Half of them are very sick and confined to wheelchairs or beds. The other half are ambulatory and able to carry on some sort of conversation. 

One resident in particular, Tony, has become a very close friend to Robert. They call themselves "heart brothers" and feel they knew each other from the first moment they met. They have long talks about philosophy, religion, and their lives. Especially, I think, they talk about the stage of life they are in. They are the same age, Tony's birthday is tomorrow. He will be 80. 

Robert has been especially lucky with friendships while living in assisted living places. I am grateful for Frank Phelan from Regency, and for Tony here. 

At la Casa Nostra there are several dogs who live there with their owners, and a couple who visit every day. There are also children around. The grandchildren of the owner are there some of the time, as well as the children of some of the nurses. People are coming in and out all day long. Several of the residents already lived in Lake Chapala, so they have friends from the area who come to visit, as well as family members. And, of course, there are the few who have no one to visit them. I'm thinking of a small sweet woman in a wheelchair who has a blank stare who reached out to hold Sue's hand as she was standing there. We both noticed that her nails were beautifully polished. In fact I think all of the women have polished nails. 

This is a photo of Sue and Robert and Ruth. They are sitting outside of Ruth's room which borders on the garden. The little dog is Ruth's. 

Robert is making a good recovery from his stent procedure. I can't help but think that this could have been discovered in the hospital at Coupeville on one of the times that Robert went to the ER with chest pains. They looked at his heart and since it is fine and healthy they called the pain anxiety or heartburn. This experience has, I hope, taught me to listen better to Robert. He knew there was something the matter. 

On the other hand, a symptom of Robert's Lewy Body is hallucinations or very negative ideas of what is happening to him. He also can not stand alone or walk anymore. I have no doubt that he feels imprisoned in his body. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to be so dependant and so nearly helpless. His upper body and arms and hands are still strong, and he can help with transfers from bed to chair etc. Sometimes he is grateful for where he is and appreciates the kind care. He can certainly have an in depth conversation. Robert is taking meds for the first time in his life. He is being carefully watched. Looking for the right combo to give him some peace. I feel it is long overdue, and really hope the right combo will be found soon. 

Meanwhile Sue and I walked all over Chapala and Ajijic, drank margaritas, went to my corner Argentinian bakery for frappuccinos and croissants and empanadas, and met a number of other gringo residents or gonna be residents. The community here is very welcoming and there are a number of organizations, Facebook pages, and websites dedicated to information and sharing and tips and meeting for ex pats. 

The day before Sue left Heida arrived! I'm rich in friendship. Each friend brings something special and needed to my new life here. Sue helped a lot with food finding and washing and prepping. She changed light bulbs and fixed things and was generally all around handy. I'm still figuring out things out. I had a bad cold for awhile and that slowed me down quite a bit. I'm better now.

Our Wild Ride in an Ambulance

Our wild ride to the hospital

Robert and I had quite an adventure last week. We started out thinking he was having a heart attack…but which turned out to be an occluded artery. he spent two nights in a hospital in Guadalajara and now has a new stent in an artery. This is a good thing. And probably explains some of the chest pain he has had off and on. His heart is fine and healthy, and because of the stent is highly unlikely he would have a heart attack in the future.

So around 4:30 on Tuesday, May 30, Robert was calling me telling me his chest was really hurting, George was calling me because he had been talking to Robert, and Delia got ahold of me. I was home sick with a cold and had been sleeping off and on all day. In a very short time Delia came to get me, there was a doctor and a couple nurses and bunch of equipment in his room, and they were deciding whether or not he should go to the hospital. He was calm. The doctor said he was having a heart attack, but a little one. He recommended we call an ambulance and get him to Guadalajara. Delia handled all that and went with us in the ambulance. Sirens all the way. I rode in the back with him and two attendants. I have to say it was probably the most uncomfortable ride I have ever had. The roads are bumpy, the ambulance is old. It was like sitting in the back of a careening pick up truck. Robert was comfortable in his stretcher, but I was holding on for dear life. It was hot and I was sweating. Which is nothing new....I'm sweating all the time here. Maybe something is wrong with my inner thermostat.

When we got to the hospital the doctor was waiting outside for us. He greeted us, and escorted us to the receiving room where he immediately began asking questions and having Robert hooked up to stuff. There had been an electrocardiogram done at La Casa Nostra. They immediately did another one. Dr Matin showed us the difference between the two. the meaning being that there had been changes between the two. Something was definitely going on but he wasn’t sure what. He did an ultrasound and determined that Robert's heart was healthy and undamaged. Delia and I were there to see all the tests, look at Robert’s heart on various monitors, and Dr. Matin clearly explained everything he was seeing. Since Delia is a nurse she understood what she was looking at. Since Robert's heart was healthy and fine, Dr Matin surmised it had to be in the artery. He recommended a catheritization where he would go into his wrist  and send an explorer up to Robert’s heart and could check the arteries. Robert was insistent that he be included in all decision making which was easily and readily accommodated. I asked when it would be done should Robert agree. the answer was “right now.” Robert said yes, they came and got him and we met Dr. Matin in the cath lab. He was ready to go. I was able to stand at the door until he began….then we waited outside. We were invited in to a side room where the doctor showed us pictures of Robert’s artery and showed us where the occlusion was. There was just one. A short time later we were invited in again to see the whole procedure on a monitor and saw that the stent was installed and inflated. Before we knew it we were in Robert’s room. He was alert and awake and knew what had been done. Delia told me that in Mexican hospitals someone needs to be with the patient all the time. She suggested that since I was sick it would be beneficial to hire a woman she knows to sit with Robert throughout the night so that I could go home and sleep. Angie came in and she is a lovely woman. Robert took to her immediately. So Delia’s son and daughter came to get us at about 10:30. We were all hungry so we went out for tacos at a busy outdoor quickie taco place. I probably went to sleep around 12:30.

Several observations: This ER was like the movies. There were people and machines and people on gurneys all over the place. Lots of busy purposeful activity going on all around us. Everyone was kind and direct and seemingly unhurried and extremely efficient. Delia was there for every moment. She really takes care of her residents!! Robert was amazed and impressed that she was there. And I think comforted. She translated for me regarding all the paperwork and payment stuff. I think now, looking back, that when Robert went to the ER on Whidbey that they saw his heart was okay, but didn’t go the extra step to check his arteries. I’m even more impressed with Delia than before, impressed with the medical system, and unimpressed with the ambulance ride. By the way….while in the ambulance Delia was arranging everything with the hospital and the doctor and so on.

His room was really nice, spacious, with plenty of places for visitors to sit or lie down. One interesting thing….theres a door to the outside with a little patio and a couple of chairs out there. People can go outside!! 

Robert's first night in the hospital was uneventful. He slept peacefully all night except for his usual 3:00 a.m pee break. When we saw him on Wednesday he was happy. Almost giddy. I'm guessing drugs had something to do with it. Wednesday night he deteriorated badly and had a night of distress and what he calls "protest." Its hard for me to write about this part of his disease. For some time he has been having times of anger, combativeness, and the belief that people are trying to hurt him or torture him. Hallucinations are one of the symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia. I believe this is what is happening when he is in that state. 

The final bill, which was presented to me on the spot, was @ $7,000.00 U.S. I paid for it with my credit card (lots of Alaska miles) and hoped our Medigap plan would pay for some of it. As it turns out, we have United Health Care as Part B for Medicare. It is called the cadillac (or peace of mind) policy. As it turns out, that in a foreign country they will pay 80% of necessary emergency procedures after a $250 deductible. It will be interesting to see what they deem as necessary. Incidentally, the hospital costs were minimal. Two nights in the hospital came to $350. The rest of the bill is medical procedures and the doctor. 

Post procedure. That's Delia in the checkered shirt, and her daughter Norma. Angie on the right.