Where is Home?

As our second year of living in Mexico opened it became very clear to me that things felt very different from the first year. I had been through all the seasons, and they were beginning again. A couple of things dawned on me. One was that I wanted to spread my wings and see more of Mexico. Another was that I also want to visit Casa Amanecer, the house I'm involved with in Manzanillo, more often. And the third was realizing I can go back to Whidbey pretty much as often as I would like. Within reason of course. 

Because of trips I have taken I have learned that Robert does fine without me here. In some ways he does better when he isn't expecting me to visit him. It's a knife edge for me. How can I most help Robert? And how often do I need to see  him with my own eyes and know how he is doing? 

Some major themes for me at this time are: 1) How can I be most helpful to Robert. 2) Is it okay to have a happy life when I know Robert is suffering. 3) Where exactly is home. Luckily I have been introduced to an amazing support group for caregivers. The group is a good place to find help and support for these big questions. I also have made some wonderful friends here at Lakeside with whom there is mutual support. Of course my family and friends  NOB (north of the border, as we say here) remain a constant source of support to me. 

In May I returned to Whidbey for several reasons, the two main ones being that I felt I needed to sell my motorhome, dear Riggity Jig, and to have a family get together. Both happened in fine style. It was hard to say goodbye to Riggity, but she found a fabulous new owner. The Ray/Carlson clan gathered at Barb's house, as has been our custom, on Mother's Day weekend.

Bye bye Riggity. And some of the Carlson/Ray clan. I could write an entire blog about how much fun we had.

The last 5 days of my two weeks in the Northwest I spent with new friends in Alaska. I met Amanda when she contacted me about finding care for her husband, Larry. She brought Larry to La Casa Nostra and fell in love with Chapala. She will soon be my next door neighbor. She and her friend, Maggie, showed me around Ketchikan and Juneau. A float plane trip to see 6 glaciers and have a salmon dinner in a remote lodge was a highlight. 

Before I left for the wonderful PNW my Spanish teacher, Juan, had invited me to go to Durango with him to his nieces's quincenera. Some Mexican girls, when they turn 15, have a sort of welcome to womanhood party. I had heard how grand these parties can be and felt deeply honored to be invited. There were 245 guests at this fiesta, and one gringa. The two hour plane trip took us to Durango where I stayed in a wonderful hotel and was hosted and welcomed warmly by Juan's very large family. One sister in law, Paty, took me under her wing and showed me all the high points of Durango. Again, I could write an entire blog about the celebration and about Durango. The party was like a wedding. It started in the cathedral at 4:00 p.m., proceeded to a ruins for photo shoots, and then to the venue where we dined and drank tequila and danced and had fireworks and confetti and all sorts of traditions until I don't know how late. Juan and I left at 1:00 am and it was in high gear. I did not encounter one other person during the 4 days I was there that spoke English other than Juan. I have no idea why Juan invited me to do this, but I will be forever grateful. 

These photos are of me, Juan, and Paty and of the families of the two girls who were being honored. I guess I am integrating a little bit into the culture. Incidentally, my Spanish is very minimal so this was a challenging visit. 

This is beginning to read like a travelogue. Since April, when I wrote my last blog, I have been away from Chapala 5 weeks. So in 6 months I've been away for 5 weeks. 

Summer in Chapala is very different from Winter. In the QQ gardens where I live there is no one else living in the 6 other houses. Its just the garden and the turtles and the gardeners and me. There have been a few visitors, but mostly I am living here, visiting Robert, painting a little, and getting to know the neighbors on my street. It is mostly very peaceful. There are the occasional parties that can rattle your teeth, but mostly it is tranquil. It is rainy season so it often rains very dramatically at night and the days are warm and beautiful. 

 

During the rainy season the garden is at it's most lush and colorful and the usually clear blue sky has wonderful clouds. 

In August I was drawn back to the PNW because dear friends of nearly 50 years were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Frank and Lynn Lindsay invited their friends to help them celebrate in a grand and warm fashion at the Rainier Club in Seattle. Such fun to get all dressed up and have cocktails and dine and dance together in full joy. I couldn't help but notice some crutches and walkers and canes about. A new reality. 

While visiting Whidbey and Seattle I spent very rich time with some of my Sketchers Tribe as well as my family. A dear friend invited a few of us to spend a day cruising on their boat to Lopez . Her husband has a very different kind of dementia from Robert. He has what is called Positive Dementia. He is content and still retains his abilities to captain a boat. He took us safely to Lopez and back. Again, food and wine and laughter and love. 

The last weekend I was there I joined Dan and Sheri, and a bunch of their friends I have known since they were all kids, at Flowing Lake County Park for a camping weekend. It's a beautiful campground just outside of Snohomish. And guess what....good food, wine, laughter, love and the great PNW! The answer to Where is Home is being answered as I write. My heart home is the PNW and always will be. Also my home is where Robert is for as long as he is here. If he predeceases me I have no idea what I will do. That's a question for another day. 

So that brings me back to Chapala and my life here. I guess writing this also partially answers the question "Is it okay to be happy when Robert is suffering." I am basically content and often quite happy. I guess it has to be okay. I am grateful for my health and my strength. I am taking a rigorous water aerobics class nearby two mornings a week and that makes me feel a bit better about myself. I remain very, very grateful for the many visitors who find their way to this magical garden and especially grateful that they continue to visit Robert. I look forward to the upcoming visitor season when the garden will fill up again with people I love. I also love the tranquility and the quiet. 

Some neighbors have invited me to join them on a trip to Moralia and Patzcuaro for a week in October for an international film festival that I hear is very big. This helps to fulfill my desire to see more of Mexico and to get to know the neighbors better. I'll also see some great films. 

Next month I will become 81 years of age and Robert and I will celebrate 27 years of marriage. 

The biggest question of how can I be most helpful to Robert still shreds my heart pretty much daily. His moods and behaviors cycle throughout the day. Sometimes he yells, sometimes he cries, and sometimes he is very present and always wants to know about our kids and friends. Robert has lots of visitors. Besides me and our friends who come from NOB to visit, we have a local expat friend, Laney, who visits him regularly. Also I pay a lovely young woman, Kim, to have lunch with him once a week. Richey, his physical therapist, is there 3 times a week. Fernando, a massage therapist, visits him often. Connection with people remains very, very important to him. HIs dear friends George and Jerald FaceTime with him regularly. Jerald was recently here in person and visited him every day. He had one really good day with robert and felt pretty disappointed about the others. Robert is pretty steadily trying to call friends and family throughout the day. He doesn't seem to understand that people can't always answer the phone. His understanding of time, distance, and what is happening to who is very shaky. If he sees a hurricane on tv he believes it is coming to him. He doesn't watch tv much anymore. Sometimes he thinks I'm just here on the weekends. I can see him everyday and he will say I haven't been there for a week.  

This is a street near my house. The city rebuilt the streets and sidewalks and then told the homeowners they would paint their houses if they would just pick paint colors. 

This is Colon Street in Ajijic. It is the main drag where it's fun to eat and buy clothes. 

A painter friend of mine was staying in a very old hacienda in ajijic. He invited me over to paint there one day. You can't tell from the painting but it is basically outside under a tile roof. The pool is behind where I was standing.