Casa Corazon

It's amazing to me how much can change in just one year. August 2, 2019, just over one year ago 3 friends and I signed the final papers to buy a home together in Chapala Centro. We named it Casa Corazon. This comes as a great surprise to all of us. How did this happen? In May 2019 I had been visiting Langley and my family and friends. I was aware that Robert was not going to live much longer. As I thought about that I was suddenly very aware that I did not want to live alone for the rest of my life. The feeling was very strong and when I returned to Chapala I began talking about it with friends. Susan Lewis and I spent a day looking at homes that could accommodate several people in comfort. We saw several possibilities, but after looking in Ajijic and other villages we realized we wanted only to live in Chapala Centro. We thought it would take a long time to find a suitable house. But it didn't. Susan was walking past a little Real Estate office in our neighborhood and saw the photo of this house. That was in June. As soon as Susan and Bill and I walked into this house we knew it was right. We also knew we wanted Amanda to join us. We called her in Alaska where she was finishing her last year of work. We sent photos. She said "count me in." The only thing missing was a pool. The pool was started one week after final signing. Susan and Bill were traveling in Europe, Amanda was in Alaska but made plans to come for final signing, and I was back to Langley for half of August and early September. When I returned the pool was nearly finished and I got Fernando going on remodeling the self contained apartment that comes with the house. Lots of emails, phone calls, and photos back and forth and somehow we managed to collectively make decisions and our nest was getting feathered. Susan and Bill returned and we got busy having the fun of furnishing the whole place. What was an idea was suddenly a reality. We still can't believe we did it.

Let me tell you about Casa Corazon. It is a beautiful big home with 3 bedrooms complete with 

fireplaces and terraces. Each bedroom has it's own bathroom. There is a great space on the main floor that is divided into several different areas. There is a game table, a man space for Bill and his computer and keyboards. There's a sunny area facing the pool we call the solarium, and another space with fireplace for tv watching. Add a beautiful big dining room, very easy to work in kitchen, a laundry and storage room and a powder room. There is room for us all to be together or be private. We enjoy the two fully furnished terraces, and I use part of one as a painting studio. 

Dean and Paul had plans to come here for their annual Thanksgiving time visit, and Amanda came down for the holidays. On November 21st Amanda and I moved our stuff over from our apartments at QQ, and Dean and Paul arrived to stay in the newly completed apartment, Casa Corazoncita. That was our first night to sleep at Casa Corazon. I have been living here full time since then. Susan and Bill joined for Christmas and the house was full of people throughout the winter holidays. We had several dinners and parties. Special to us all was the Christmas Posada for all the people who worked on our house and who help us maintain it. Much tequila and laughter. This house is made for lots of people. In January Susan and Bill returned to Manzanillo and Amanda returned to Alaska. During the first months after Dean and Paul were here in the apartment we had a renter, then Faye and Truman for the month of February. Then Dave and Erin for the first week in March. And then COVID was here. Robert died on March 19 and the government closed everything down on March 20. And suddenly I was here alone. 

Boomer our cat and I lived here alone until early July when Amanda arrived for good. COVID had helped her to decide to retire a half year earlier than she thought she would. Living here alone was probably perfectly timed. After Robert's death I was not interested in going anywhere or seeing many people. I was able to have almost everything delivered and I more or less did nothing for nearly 5 months. The one thing I did regularly was a work out in the pool every day for at least an hour. The temperature of the water remained around 90 degrees because of the solar panels we had installed. I love our pool. 

Amanda arrived here on July 2. She quarantined in the apartment for 2 weeks and then moved into our forever home.

And so life in an intentional shared home has begun. Our intention and vision is to provide a supportive and caring home for each other for as long as we need it. It is amazing what you can get in Mexico when sharing 4 ways. The cost of running our home which includes Mago who cleans, Juan Carlo who cares for the pool, Manuel who cares for the plants, Fernando who fixes whatever needs fixing, and Victor who is our property manager and pays all our bills and taxes costs less than $200.00 U.S. each per month. That includes water, gas, electricity, internet, and tv. The apartment, Corazoncita, will be used for visiting friends and family, occasional renters, an infirmary if needed, or housing for caregivers some day. The house is very flexible. We will use it as we need to as needs arise. 

This morning I got tears in my eyes because I smelled coffee brewing before I got up. Just the knowledge that someone else is making morning coffee after living alone for so long was so very comforting. I loved living alone as well.....until I knew I didn't want to do it the rest of my life. 

Life seems full of miracles, and Casa Corazon is one of many. I'm so grateful for my life. And I look forward to being able to travel again. I look forward to seeing my kids and grandkids and friends and especially to attending the wedding of Dave and Erin in August. 

The End of the Journey

Robert Arthur Carlson

February 1, 1938    March 19, 2020

On October 13th of this year we will have been married for 30 years. At least 15 of those years Robert was fighting what was at first a mysterious malady, finally diagnosed in 2014 as Lewy Body Dementia. The three years we have lived in Chapala Mexico have been ever-changing for both of us. I determined that Robert's disease would not bring me down as well as him. It would have been so easy to make our lives all about him. I had to constantly remind myself that LBD was his path and not mine. In our marriage we always respected each others paths while converging as well. I will admit it's a tricky thing to do and required many course corrections over the years. 

Robert had a mighty struggle with LBD for so many years, and then a few months ago he said to me that he thought he was through crying about all that he had lost. I was happy to hear him say that, but wasn't sure he would remember he had that thought. However, since then he had seemed to live in a state of acceptance and gratefulness. When he breathed his last breath on Thursday, March 19th at 1:31 in the afternoon he seemed to be totally at peace. This might sound strange, but he looked happy. So far my main feeling is that I am happy for his release. It was a very long good bye.

Robert died the day before the government here in Chapala closed all the nursing homes to visitors because of Corona Virus. Good timing. It was also the same time the government was urging all residents to stay home, especially all people over 60 years of age. One of my housemates, Susan, was here during the week that Robert died and I was glad for her company. She needed, however, to return to Manzanillo. Another housemate, Amanda, is more or less stuck in Sitka Alaska for now. And so I find myself living alone in a big house we all bought together. The plan was to not live alone during our old age. However, CoVid 19 had other plans for us for now. So I'm living alone in this big house with Boomer, our cat. As it turns out it is good timing for me to be living alone, and I certainly have had lots of time to practice doing so. Robert lived in nursing facilities for 5 years during which time I lived alone in Langley for 2 of those years and have lived alone here in Chapala for the last 3. Later I will write a blog about this house, Casa Corazon, and how it came to be in my life. 

On Valentine's Day 1989 Robert got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had several thoughts besides yes. One thought was I wondered if he knew what he was getting into with me. Another thought was that now I had something to lose, and that one of us would see the other one die. And this is how it played out. We packed a lot of fun into our years of marriage. I have been spending time looking at photos and writings and conjuring up memories. One of the best things we did was bring our adult children together, and they were the source of many of our happiest memories. We were extremely grateful that our kids went along with the blended family idea. We all benefited. I am very glad I said yes when he asked me to marry him. I can honestly say we had a wonderful marriage even though it wasn't the marriage we imagined. 

My Journey with Robert has come to an end, but the adventure continues. 

If you would like to know more about Robert and his life and see photos of our lives together please visit:

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Robert Carlson View Memorial

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A Lesson In Impermanence

It has been a long time since I have written in this blog. Quite frankly it's been because life has been busy, full of friends and some travel, and there just didn't seem to be anything to write about other than to say "All is well and I'm having a fine time." I will write about some of these things later in this post because this serves as a kind of journal for me as well as a way to share this adventure with anyone who might be interested. 

I'm starting with photos of paintings I have made of the QQ (Quinta Quetzlquatl) Boutique Hotel, the 8 room hotel that is in this compound along with 6 private residences. I live in one of those private residences, and this situation has been ideal for me. The hotel, the large gardens and homes have had a warm, old Mexico, inviting vibe about them. Anyone coming in the front gate is immediately captured by the magic of the place. The hotel has been for sale for many years, but it became imperative to sell it when the owner became quite ill. Several friends and I pooled our available resources and made a decent bid for it. We intended to restore, refresh, repair and continue the bucolic life we all share here. Alas, we could not meet the mark and it was sold to an investment group who seemingly came out of nowhere. There is really a big story here but I'm trying to keep this as brief as possible. 

 So I want to say a little bit about my daily life here. At 7:15 a.m. I dimly hear the garage doors opening because Lupe, the gardener for many years, is arriving for work. Soon I hear the comforting sound of sweeping. I know he will soon go have breakfast with Mago, his friend who is the amazing and beautiful maid from the hotel. And then the day goes on from there. Jose, the part time gardener arrives in the afternoon. There are smiles and hugs and "buenos dias/tardes" throughout the day. There is tremendous affection between the residents and the staff. This is the background of my day everyday but Sunday when the garden is quiet and the leaves go unswept. My favorite Christmas party is the one the staff gives for the residents annually. Also Lupe does a corn roast, from his corn field, every year. There is joking and laughing and teasing throughout the garden. There is a rhythm and a feeling and a shape to the days and to the months. If my friends and I had been able to purchase the hotel, this rhythm would have gone on uninterrupted. I have had an openhearted affection and attachment to the hotel, the grounds and the staff. It was perfect. I consider myself to be very lucky to have landed into such a safe and delightful nest. I have painted scenes of the hotel several times.

We were disappointed and a little relieved when we realized we could not purchase the hotel, but we believed the new owners would more or less carry on the way it was. As time goes on it appears that will not be so. They asked that Mago's employment be terminated before they took over. The community here was saddened and concerned for her. She found another job but misses QQ terribly. The look of the hotel began to change daily. What was lush and inviting is now clean, clear, minimized. The owners have discovered, or maybe they knew, that the hotel was remodeled in the 1940s by Luis Barragan who was Mexico's Frank Loyd Wright. He was not known for remodels, but did it as a favor for the mayor who was living here at that time. Luis Barragan was a minimalist, and his buildings are extremely handsome and austere. All of the arches and graceful curves at the hotel have been added by subsequent owners over the years to return the building to the charming look of Old Mexico. The hotel is a member of the Home Owners Association here and cannot do anything to common grounds (everything outside of their drip line) without approval of the HOA. Now that the historical society is aware of the building the owners of the hotel will have to adhere to the historical society's architects instructions to restore to Barragan's time. In any event, the look of the hotel is now changed and will continue to change. 

Meanwhile Lupe became ill with a cancerous growth on his neck and has been in the hospital for weeks. He is 71 and should actually be retiring and collecting his social security, but like Mago he liked working here and wants to continue. 

The garden cannot go even a few days without a gardener so the HOA had to make a tough decision to hire a gardening service. In so doing they had to terminate Jose as well because the owner of the service prefers to work with his own staff. None of this was done lightly. It was done with a heavy heart. I am not a homeowner here. I'm a renter. But I live here full time as does the HOA administrator. She has had a very tough and emotional time with all of these decisions. 

So in a few months time Mago, the heart of the hotel, Lupe, the heart of the garden, and Jose are no longer here. The hotel no longer looks the same and will continue to change. It is hard to describe the depth of my sadness and grief at this ending. I have only been here for two years but my attachment was deep. Its the end of an era. Of course I'm accepting the changes little by little. What else can I do? But my feelings about the compound have changed. It's not in my nature to feel detached, so we will see where this goes. Life has a way of telling me what to do next. I will just wait and watch. In the meantime I still adore my home, and the garden will only get better with the help of the new gardeners.  Just a lesson in impermanence. Everything changes. Why shouldn't this? And I do believe that the restored hotel will be handsome and will be a mimi monument to Luis Barragan. It doesn't mean I have to like it. 

At the same time I feel more detached from Robert. Or maybe not from him, but the sense I have is that my tether to him is a little bit longer. I feel more free to be away from here for longer periods of time. I just returned from 18 days in Langley and Seattle and when I saw him for the first time when I got back he said "Oh there's my wife. I remember you. Thanks for coming to see me." Today after we had lunch together he told me he was ready to take a nap and he waved me goodbye after I tucked him in. He used to beg me to stay. I'm planning a month long visit to Whidbey this coming August/September. I want to go there more often and stay longer. I need to spend more time with my family and

dear friends. I also love my Langley home.

So I'm not an innkeeper, though I thought I would be for awhile there. Probably just as well. 

I said I would write about my last 10 months here in this post, but I don't really feel like it. I will save those stories for another blog. I hope all is well with you all. Expect another blog post soon.

Where is Home?

As our second year of living in Mexico opened it became very clear to me that things felt very different from the first year. I had been through all the seasons, and they were beginning again. A couple of things dawned on me. One was that I wanted to spread my wings and see more of Mexico. Another was that I also want to visit Casa Amanecer, the house I'm involved with in Manzanillo, more often. And the third was realizing I can go back to Whidbey pretty much as often as I would like. Within reason of course. 

Because of trips I have taken I have learned that Robert does fine without me here. In some ways he does better when he isn't expecting me to visit him. It's a knife edge for me. How can I most help Robert? And how often do I need to see  him with my own eyes and know how he is doing? 

Some major themes for me at this time are: 1) How can I be most helpful to Robert. 2) Is it okay to have a happy life when I know Robert is suffering. 3) Where exactly is home. Luckily I have been introduced to an amazing support group for caregivers. The group is a good place to find help and support for these big questions. I also have made some wonderful friends here at Lakeside with whom there is mutual support. Of course my family and friends  NOB (north of the border, as we say here) remain a constant source of support to me. 

In May I returned to Whidbey for several reasons, the two main ones being that I felt I needed to sell my motorhome, dear Riggity Jig, and to have a family get together. Both happened in fine style. It was hard to say goodbye to Riggity, but she found a fabulous new owner. The Ray/Carlson clan gathered at Barb's house, as has been our custom, on Mother's Day weekend.

Bye bye Riggity. And some of the Carlson/Ray clan. I could write an entire blog about how much fun we had.

The last 5 days of my two weeks in the Northwest I spent with new friends in Alaska. I met Amanda when she contacted me about finding care for her husband, Larry. She brought Larry to La Casa Nostra and fell in love with Chapala. She will soon be my next door neighbor. She and her friend, Maggie, showed me around Ketchikan and Juneau. A float plane trip to see 6 glaciers and have a salmon dinner in a remote lodge was a highlight. 

Before I left for the wonderful PNW my Spanish teacher, Juan, had invited me to go to Durango with him to his nieces's quincenera. Some Mexican girls, when they turn 15, have a sort of welcome to womanhood party. I had heard how grand these parties can be and felt deeply honored to be invited. There were 245 guests at this fiesta, and one gringa. The two hour plane trip took us to Durango where I stayed in a wonderful hotel and was hosted and welcomed warmly by Juan's very large family. One sister in law, Paty, took me under her wing and showed me all the high points of Durango. Again, I could write an entire blog about the celebration and about Durango. The party was like a wedding. It started in the cathedral at 4:00 p.m., proceeded to a ruins for photo shoots, and then to the venue where we dined and drank tequila and danced and had fireworks and confetti and all sorts of traditions until I don't know how late. Juan and I left at 1:00 am and it was in high gear. I did not encounter one other person during the 4 days I was there that spoke English other than Juan. I have no idea why Juan invited me to do this, but I will be forever grateful. 

These photos are of me, Juan, and Paty and of the families of the two girls who were being honored. I guess I am integrating a little bit into the culture. Incidentally, my Spanish is very minimal so this was a challenging visit. 

This is beginning to read like a travelogue. Since April, when I wrote my last blog, I have been away from Chapala 5 weeks. So in 6 months I've been away for 5 weeks. 

Summer in Chapala is very different from Winter. In the QQ gardens where I live there is no one else living in the 6 other houses. Its just the garden and the turtles and the gardeners and me. There have been a few visitors, but mostly I am living here, visiting Robert, painting a little, and getting to know the neighbors on my street. It is mostly very peaceful. There are the occasional parties that can rattle your teeth, but mostly it is tranquil. It is rainy season so it often rains very dramatically at night and the days are warm and beautiful. 

 

During the rainy season the garden is at it's most lush and colorful and the usually clear blue sky has wonderful clouds. 

In August I was drawn back to the PNW because dear friends of nearly 50 years were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Frank and Lynn Lindsay invited their friends to help them celebrate in a grand and warm fashion at the Rainier Club in Seattle. Such fun to get all dressed up and have cocktails and dine and dance together in full joy. I couldn't help but notice some crutches and walkers and canes about. A new reality. 

While visiting Whidbey and Seattle I spent very rich time with some of my Sketchers Tribe as well as my family. A dear friend invited a few of us to spend a day cruising on their boat to Lopez . Her husband has a very different kind of dementia from Robert. He has what is called Positive Dementia. He is content and still retains his abilities to captain a boat. He took us safely to Lopez and back. Again, food and wine and laughter and love. 

The last weekend I was there I joined Dan and Sheri, and a bunch of their friends I have known since they were all kids, at Flowing Lake County Park for a camping weekend. It's a beautiful campground just outside of Snohomish. And guess what....good food, wine, laughter, love and the great PNW! The answer to Where is Home is being answered as I write. My heart home is the PNW and always will be. Also my home is where Robert is for as long as he is here. If he predeceases me I have no idea what I will do. That's a question for another day. 

So that brings me back to Chapala and my life here. I guess writing this also partially answers the question "Is it okay to be happy when Robert is suffering." I am basically content and often quite happy. I guess it has to be okay. I am grateful for my health and my strength. I am taking a rigorous water aerobics class nearby two mornings a week and that makes me feel a bit better about myself. I remain very, very grateful for the many visitors who find their way to this magical garden and especially grateful that they continue to visit Robert. I look forward to the upcoming visitor season when the garden will fill up again with people I love. I also love the tranquility and the quiet. 

Some neighbors have invited me to join them on a trip to Moralia and Patzcuaro for a week in October for an international film festival that I hear is very big. This helps to fulfill my desire to see more of Mexico and to get to know the neighbors better. I'll also see some great films. 

Next month I will become 81 years of age and Robert and I will celebrate 27 years of marriage. 

The biggest question of how can I be most helpful to Robert still shreds my heart pretty much daily. His moods and behaviors cycle throughout the day. Sometimes he yells, sometimes he cries, and sometimes he is very present and always wants to know about our kids and friends. Robert has lots of visitors. Besides me and our friends who come from NOB to visit, we have a local expat friend, Laney, who visits him regularly. Also I pay a lovely young woman, Kim, to have lunch with him once a week. Richey, his physical therapist, is there 3 times a week. Fernando, a massage therapist, visits him often. Connection with people remains very, very important to him. HIs dear friends George and Jerald FaceTime with him regularly. Jerald was recently here in person and visited him every day. He had one really good day with robert and felt pretty disappointed about the others. Robert is pretty steadily trying to call friends and family throughout the day. He doesn't seem to understand that people can't always answer the phone. His understanding of time, distance, and what is happening to who is very shaky. If he sees a hurricane on tv he believes it is coming to him. He doesn't watch tv much anymore. Sometimes he thinks I'm just here on the weekends. I can see him everyday and he will say I haven't been there for a week.  

This is a street near my house. The city rebuilt the streets and sidewalks and then told the homeowners they would paint their houses if they would just pick paint colors. 

This is Colon Street in Ajijic. It is the main drag where it's fun to eat and buy clothes. 

A painter friend of mine was staying in a very old hacienda in ajijic. He invited me over to paint there one day. You can't tell from the painting but it is basically outside under a tile roof. The pool is behind where I was standing. 

What a Year it Has Been!!!!

It's hard to believe it is nearly a year since Robert and I landed in Guadalajara.  Its as though we just got here and at the same time have been here for years. So much has happened in this year it makes my head spin. We arrived on May 10 2017. Our good friends George Parks and Kate Forster came with us to offer support and help in a life changing, challenging, monumental move. We had an uneventful flight and went straight from the airport to La Casa Nostra. We were welcomed warmly, and it seemed okay for the three of us to go to our hotel, Nuevo Posada, in Ajijic and leave Robert in the obviously warm and attentive care of the staff at La Casa Nostra. In hindsight I think it would have been better for one of us to spend that first night with Robert. He freaked out and it was a hellish night for us all.George spent most of the night on the phone with Robert and the nurses, offering calm support. Somehow we all made it through that first week. It's a blur to me. Kate helped me move into my unbelievably lovely new home at Quinta Quetzlequatl while George helped get Robert somewhat adjusted to his new home. 

For the past few days I have been trying to get ahold of all that has happened since then. While Robert has been getting acquainted with his new life, and learning how to live within the Mexican culture, I have been doing the same. Our tasks are different. He has had to adjust to the up close and personal warmth of his caregivers. At first he did not know how to interpret the hugs and kisses and strokes coming from them. The Mexican culture is much warmer, and their personal space is much smaller, than we are used to. It has taken a while, but I now notice real affection and acceptance from Robert for several of his helpers. He has also had to adjust to the fact that many of his helpers do not speak fluent English. I do imagine that is very hard for him. It's hard for me too at times, but I am working at learning Spanish and am surprising myself at what I can communicate and understand. Robert also struggles to try to understand what is happening to him health wise. He is less combative than he was a year ago. He seems less paranoid lately. His short term memory is much worse than it was a year ago. Lately he has positive things to say about his care and his home. However, I have learned that this disease is a moving target. I really can't count on any particular behavior. It is constantly changing. 

So while Robert has been doing his best to understand and accept the culture at La Casa Nostra and his condition, I have been learning to live in Mexico. Expats live the life of Riley here on much less money than they can NOB (North of the Border). Most people moved here because of the cost of living and the weather. Since Robert and I moved here out of necessity it has been a slow dawning for me. Robert's Social Security pays for his care, and the price will never go up. There are extra costs for doctors and meds above the $1,800.00 per month to La Casa Nostra. Meanwhile I live on my Social Security plus a bit from our IRA. My costs are about the same as Robert's. So for roughly $5,000.00 per month we both live very well. I feel I have assisted living as well. Gardeners take care of the beautiful gardens, a maid cleans my house, and what do I do besides visiting Robert and making sure all is going as well as possible for him? 

There was much to do during those first months including setting up my new household, learning where to find food, completing our immigration visa process, and learning to use buses and cabs to get around. Learning how to live here was, in fact, a full time job for awhile. We are now both have permanent visa status, meaning we can live here as long as we want. 

As I posted before we have had many very welcome guests. Everyone who comes visits Robert as well as hangs out with me. So while welcoming guests and showing them around a bit I have also been finding a life for myself here. I joined a local Art Association, and through them I discovered the plein air painters. I go out weekly with these painters and have accumulated a pretty impressive little body of work. They invited me into their signature group and also invited me to show work with them at Sol Mexicano in Ajijic. I was honored and delighted to show with them because I already had 6 paintings I was happy to show.

I also discovered the Art House just a few blocks from my home. They make high end reproductions of original art. I took 6 of my paintings to be scanned and printed, and they are gorgeous. I sold 2 reproductions and one original painting from the show. Three of those images will be hanging at Tango, a local restaurant that is extremely popular with expats and Mexicans alike. A lot of art is sold from there. It's an honor and a kick to have work hanging there. 

Nearly everyone who visits falls in love with Chapala Centro, where I live. So much so that 3 of my friends bought a darling house in the compound where I live. So now I have neighbors from my old life here much of the time. As much fun as it has been to have guests from my NOB life here, I have also had a great time meeting my neighbors. Now that "The Season" is over, I am able to spend more time with my local friends and neighbors. The quiet time is nice too. Today I only hear birds in the garden.

I go to a Spanish class up the street from here once a week and absolutely love it. As it turns out I am getting private lessons because the other beginning student moved away. My teacher, Juan, is fun and funny and dedicated to teaching. He is a fabulous teacher and makes it very fun for me. 

For the first 9 or 10 months I lived here without a car, and was okay with it. But when a neighbor told me she was moving and wondered if I'd like to buy their car...I was all over it. A new friend, Amanda, and I bought it together. It is a Nissan March and the perfect car for the little jaunts I regularly take. Seeing Robert is so much easier. It turns out I have a garage here at my house. Not only that, but I recently got a garage door opener. Life is just too easy. 

So friends, art, transportation, Spanish language, a new culture, so much of it new.I am learning so many new things. It takes patience to live here. It also takes takes patience to have a husband with Lewy Body Dementia. Mexico is noisy. Some times it is very noisy and very loud. Sometimes the neighborhood music is so loud it rattles my windows. Mexicans love to celebrate, and there are many celebrations. Most of the celebrations include a parade, fireworks, carnival rides that show up in the middle of the night and leave just as suddenly, and lots of noise. Yes, dogs do bark. Mexicans love to eat and the food is everywhere. Markets and restaurants really are everywhere. Not only is the food abundant, it's really good. Mexicans are unbelievably kind and helpful and respectful, not just to expats but also to each other. Or maybe I should say to each other and even to expats. I think living here might make me a better person. On top of it all Robert is getting the best possible care I can come up with for him. I'm sure there is much more to say, but this is getting kind of long. 

It has been an amazing year. Thanks to all of you who have offered your support. You've made it easier. 

Richer and Deeper

In my last post I talked about how surprised I have been regarding all of the people who have wanted to visit me here. And that has continued. All of my guests have enriched my life. Also they are generally also friends of Roberts and have enriched his life as well. At the bottom of this post I'll include photos of the loving folks who have visited. 

What I want to talk about today is another surprise in my life. Friends of friends have heard about my decision to bring Robert here for excellent care at a fraction of the cost in the U.S. I have received a number of emails, texts, and phone calls from people who want to talk to me about this option. At least 3 people have moved here and placed their loved ones because of their contact with me. It really makes me feel useful. It is especially gratifying that the usefulness comes from me just living my life, not from me trying to be helpful. I don't know why....but I really like that. 

About a month ago a friend of a friend called me from Alaska. Her husband not only has Alzheimers, but also has had a stroke, a heart attack, and a bad fall. She was desperate to know how to care for him. A week after we talked she arrived in Chapala and had a room at the QQ, the hotel in the garden where I live. Amanda first visited La Casa Nostra with me and spent a day there talking with Delia, the owner, and with residents and staff. She then arranged a tour of Assisted Living/Nursing Homes with Earl and John, the guys who led the seminar on Everything You Need to Know to Move to Mexico that I attended before moving here. From them I got the information and the courage to take the leap. After touring facilities for a day Amanda went back to La Casa Nostra and made the first steps toward moving her husband, Larry, there. 

After Amanda went back to Alaska we had several phone calls and conversations about how to do the immigration part. Two short weeks later she and Larry and their good friend Maggie arrived in Chapala. Larry moved into his room at La Casa Nostra and a very tired Amanda and Maggie moved into their lovely room at the QQ. That was just one week ago. As I watch them go through their transition to being here I am reminded of my first weeks here in Chapala. Robert had a very bumpy, confused, angry few weeks (maybe months) and I had nights of waking up and wondering what I had done. It has been just about 9 months since we moved here, and I feel very settled now and Robert is doing better too. Of course Larry and Robert are different people with different issues. Larry has some physical challenges that Robert does not have. Robert has issues Larry doesn't. They have met several times, and I see Robert feeling very genuine concern for Larry. I am glad to see him having concern for someone other than himself. Even though Larry is having a tough time it is clear he is a very sweet man. Robert can see that as well. He said "Larry has a very sweet face." Indeed he does. 

Robert and me, and Larry and Amanda during one of our first days together in the garden. 

Although I am sorry that Amanda and Larry have to have to deal with Alzheimers, I am glad to have a friend and neighbor to share rides and understandings with. It feels like I have known Amanda and Maggie forever. We make good neighbors. Of course Amanda can't live at the QQ forever, but for now I'm really glad to have her there. And Maggie will have to go back to her life soon. As I watch their friendship I am again reminded of how George and Kate came with me to help move Robert here and get him settled. There is nothing more valuable in life than family and dear friends. The support is beyond anything I can imagine. 

Terry and DeAnna....our kids born to other parents....they brought their tender love for both Robert and myself

Daughter in law Sheri and son Dan. They were celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary and making sure Robert and I are okay. We had a ton of fun. 

Son Dave who added more support and more fun. 

Stepson Dean and his husband Paul. More love and support. 

Just a beautiful moment on the malecon in Chapala

Bill always a dear friend. Carla, who also has a husband with dementia. Amanda on her first visit. This is a mural in Ajijic.

John and Cheri, Joanne, and Kathleen have also been here to give support and have fun. I'm embarrassed to notice I have no photos of them. Sue and Suzie and Bill have been in and out of Las Mananitas, the house they bought on this property. Sometimes it feels like grand central station here. It is all so much fun to have family and friends coming and going. There is a true community feeling here. 

I painted this in the garden of the Lake Chapala Society in Ajijic.